We use stories to get around the world, define ourselves against others, try to understand ourselves and countless more things, obviously.
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The problem is some of these stories are poisonous, to ourselves, others or both.
E.g. "I'm all that matters," the story of a sociopath.
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Let's return to heuristics. Stories are heuristical. They teach general truths at the cost of precision when applied to individual cases.
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Heuristics are fucking awesome. Without them we wouldn't be much good at making decisions.
But they work over an array of situations.
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When we try to use a heuristic to explain discrete situations instead of to steer habits & responses, they break down.
It's not their job.
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Having a story about yourself, there's nothing more tempting than to explain -everything- with recourse to the story you're telling.
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So that's fine, you can have your story about yourself.
You'll get a lot of stuff wrong, but you can at least make effective decisions.
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But then, when the circumstances change, we sometimes hold on to the story past its usefulness. We cling to it, cleave to it, choke it.
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I worry that people are so caught up in telling their story that, when you get into it, understand it (as well as you can) and -see- it,-
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- it is insufficient help (even when help is explicitly asked for, as in 's case), because you can't really change the story.
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I have the ability to understand people's stories - at least the people I'm talking about confirmed that I was *there*, in their cases.
But I feel like there's so many things about helping peole heal that I have 0 idea how to do right, when I face these invincible stories.
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I suspect it's a flaw in my method, something about understanding people that I'm not understanding.
But it feels like people are... stuck.
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