Okay, better put: freedom from something inherent to you is meaningless, freedom from something you cling to is volitional and arbitrary.
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Either way, it's a pointless exercise in angst to worry about what you feel and desire. Act differently or don't. That's all there is to it.
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you're not wrong, per se, but changing conditioning is hard, and it isn't as simple as "just stop" or "just do it".
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took my wife five or six years to deprogramme some pretty deep, instinctive behaviours in me. Very grateful she did so!
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Me and my wife also seem to have that effect on each other. Lots of angst involved, but real progress, too.
so alike, yet such different approaches for us. Very tough; even with excellent communication, it's an unending journey.