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I have examined and tested more philosophies of life than some can name (I have a restless mind), but one retains my respect: pessimism.

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I may have a slightly atypical take on it, as compared with its modern incarnation Will hash a thread to clarify.

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When I say pessimism, it's not in the sense of a bitter old person or a listless young fool. I mean the deliberate curbing of mania.

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Most of my life, I've struggled with mood swings. Calling it a "disorder" would be insensitive to manic depressives, but it's been rough.

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Thanks. :) As you can see, I mean pessimism in a more classical sense than how it's ordinarily used. I just lack a better word.

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I view pessimism as a performance hack for the mind more than anything. I can't do persistent nondual awareness at the moment.

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So for me pessimism becomes a way to yoke my awareness towards some kind of balance, since otherwise I tend to be overly giddy.

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I have felt that, and believe it, yet here I am - subjectively experiencing me, myself and I despite being no such thing.