swinging wildly between "pretty sure i'm not autistic and it's cringe if i suggest i am" and "i legitimately dont understand human behavior at all, i keep thinking i've built accurate models and they keep getting wrecked"
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I mean, the feeling that you need to "build accurate models" of behavior as some sort of deliberate action is a dead giveaway for, if not autism specifically, then clinical neurodivergence.
Not that that's bad or anything, but is what it is.
Source: am not neurotypical either.
Most people acquire this stuff unconsciously through ordinary socialization and have their models preinstalled by adulthood.
If you need to work for it, you're it.
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