Going from "yeah I believe in spirits, I guess" to having direct first person conversations was some sort of boundary-crossing event.
Conversation
Sort of hesitant about taking further steps, though.
Magic is much more fractious and dangerous territory than straight meditation, and I'm more of a newb than a veteran if I am completely honest with myself.
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Conversely, lots of useful and necessary experiences picked up in this period. The transformative power is enormous, almost surreal.
Want to do more with it, all the time.
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But you can only see so many survivors of ritual abuse & highly dangerous individuals/organizations before you start to worry a bit.
Is this really the hole you want in your reality tunnel?
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I find that my increased openness about being weird like this attracts more and more people with highly specific wounds.
It's a whole mess of stuff rejected and ridiculed as occult nonsense by mainstream society. Once you're openly willing to entertain the thought, though...
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It would be perverse to indulge in saying much more because people need all the anonymity they can get, but it's a very particular kind of problem.
Like those certain guys who are shocked to learn female friends have been raped, most people signal "unnerving me is unsafe."
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This protects you from weird and crazy shit with remarkable effectiveness. It's a strong social firewall. But it also isolates victims.
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In fairness I had been flirting with it for a long time. It's been hinted before that there were some in the Sami parts of the family, though who knows?
My default social positions land me so squarely in pariah territory that embracing it seems natural, though. I'm always askew.