Oh,,, actually yeah it was the psychedelics that did it I think.
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Going from "yeah I believe in spirits, I guess" to having direct first person conversations was some sort of boundary-crossing event.
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Sort of hesitant about taking further steps, though.
Magic is much more fractious and dangerous territory than straight meditation, and I'm more of a newb than a veteran if I am completely honest with myself.
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Conversely, lots of useful and necessary experiences picked up in this period. The transformative power is enormous, almost surreal.
Want to do more with it, all the time.
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But you can only see so many survivors of ritual abuse & highly dangerous individuals/organizations before you start to worry a bit.
Is this really the hole you want in your reality tunnel?
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I find that my increased openness about being weird like this attracts more and more people with highly specific wounds.
It's a whole mess of stuff rejected and ridiculed as occult nonsense by mainstream society. Once you're openly willing to entertain the thought, though...
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It would be perverse to indulge in saying much more because people need all the anonymity they can get, but it's a very particular kind of problem.
Like those certain guys who are shocked to learn female friends have been raped, most people signal "unnerving me is unsafe."
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This protects you from weird and crazy shit with remarkable effectiveness. It's a strong social firewall. But it also isolates victims.