Let's start with social stuff.
I'm fairly socially inhibited. Have a lot of anxiety traits. Hyperreliant on verbal ability.
Cause of anxiety: I have trouble with social fluency. I understand social rules implicitly, but get overwhelmed by density of info/second guess a lot.
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This may be partly due to upbringing, as I've been making major improvements in these areas over the last years and don't seem to have base-level issues with functioning.
Apart from the lack of socio-emotional latent inhibition. I have to look away from faces when talking, e.g.
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When I'm not anxious, I tend to be hyperextroverted to the point of being a nuisance to people who can't deal with high energy.
I'm talkative, intense, very larger than life, sort of effortlessly/unintentionally taking up space.
I can turn this off, but it *wants* to be on.
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That's mostly it for explicitly social stuff.
With empathy, I am ridiculously sensitive to sensory inputs and information about people in my environment, and constantly modelling people intuitively. I wasn't even aware of this until earlier in my 20s, but I have always done it.
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🤔💭"this sound highly energetic and sensitive, and while it's true that that doesn't work well in normie culture i believe it's the weirdoes that move society forward, especially in times of crisis..."
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If I understand, the quotation marks are you thought bubbling yourself?
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Hmm. Yes.
My problem seems to be that I don't really have any sort of social circle that supports that, nor the unusual skillset/vision to just go into normieland and be like "I HAVE A PLAN!"
Without either of those, it's a fairly isolating experience.
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"Who does this motherfucker think he is," is a common, seemingly justified reaction to me going around mask off, full spectrum high intensity.
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The thing about Hero Licensing is: nobody will ever give you a license to do boundary-shattering things
kind of by definition
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I agree and don't mean to suggest that I need permission from anyone.
I just need to be doing something relevant, which at the moment seems kind of far-fetched.
Given time and deliberate effort, it might not be.
From where does that "need" arise?
I try to do the irrelevant until I find a way to make it become relevant. It's always in ways I don't expect, so it doesn't make sense to try and force it ahead of time, when I know the least about how the things work. Just, start.
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Sure, but we were talking about drawing energy/attention, vis-a-vis feelings of social isolation.
I can start by drawing a modest amount of attention, though, I suppose. That sounds fine. Doesn't have to be binary.
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