That's about it for cognition. Now some personal stuff I didn't know where to throw in.
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I am hopelessly grandiose a lot of the time (as you can see). What's less obvious to others, is I'm also cripplingly insecure and mistrustful of myself.
I second guess everything, relentlessly, and can't seem to trust myself, ever, except in some areas where I ONLY trust myself.
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I have a very weird tendency towards saviour complex-ish levels of self-sacrifice. I make choices that are very bad for me, provided the benefit to others seems high/I "should".
This has gotten me into trouble 100s of times, and is why I currently have lots of personal problems.
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It's like a switch goes off and I become a (very nice) sociopath.
Nothing is taken personally, I have 0 emotional contagion (can still understand others, even better than usually), and I am just focused on the problem while staying completely detached.
It's sort of eerie.
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You know all the rules. So you can watch the gears tick tick tick.
Humans are just incredibly intricate clockwork.
I get this too yeah. I like it. I'm not *supposed* to like it, but I get shit *done* in that mindset. Including acts of great kindness.
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I seem to switch it on selectively precisely because most people seem sort of like screaming, incoherent monkeys in that state.
This would be very alienating/create a hostile social disposition as an always-on thing, but works for crisis situations since it removes fear & doubt.
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Yeah, always-on would be... bad. Supervillain bad.
For me I can't fully control it, it comes out in crisis times near-exclusively.
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We have a word for people who have it on always and it's "sociopath", is my stance on that.
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Yeah, same. I can't exactly elicit it. It knows when it needs to be there.
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I think sociopaths can be capable of genuine good intention and prosocial drives, but if you're stuck inhabiting a stance where nobody can move you, you are liable to do harm to anyone and anything if they get even slightly in your way.
This scales, viciously.
If someone gets in your way while you're trying to save a life and you hurt their feelings a bit, fine.
If it's just "this is important to me and my work is so important that nobody gets to interrupt my work and your feelings don't matter anyway"? Yeah, that's quite different.
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Sociopaths do incredibly well on all forms of the Trolley Problem
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