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Jul 17, 2019

all of this can seem very removed, very abstract but here's what I think I know, from my personal experience I used to be a much needier person than I am now and I believe you can actually *see* this change in my *face* people can feel this difference and treat me differently

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i'm a totally different person. who is this guy. tired, anxious, very sad guy energy. nervous, even

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now check out the vibes and energy on this guy!! holy shit!!!! totally different!! truly transformational

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I feel like I find myself going into either or both of these daily more or less as a function of mood & attentiveness. Some weeks or months are more one way or the other, too. Often for the worse. Was this is like a wholesale, general change for you that developed over time?

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@Triquetrea

yeah, I would say that I was in a general miserable state around 2014–2018 with some really bad bottoms (the fact that I was making a video suggests to me that was one of the higher points of that time), whereas second vid is now representative of my average day to day state

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and

Still, there are times when something snaps and I turn into some sort of extreme ENFP/J-type personality with boundless extroverted energy. Then the light goes back off. I don't really understand the nature of this process, and nobody I talk to seems to get it at all.