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scrolling through my youtube videos and I can see a huge difference in the muscular tension in my face same hoodie, same macbook camera, similar lighting conditions... holy shit
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all of this can seem very removed, very abstract but here's what I think I know, from my personal experience I used to be a much needier person than I am now and I believe you can actually *see* this change in my *face* people can feel this difference and treat me differently
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I feel like I find myself going into either or both of these daily more or less as a function of mood & attentiveness. Some weeks or months are more one way or the other, too. Often for the worse. Was this is like a wholesale, general change for you that developed over time?
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yeah, I would say that I was in a general miserable state around 2014–2018 with some really bad bottoms (the fact that I was making a video suggests to me that was one of the higher points of that time), whereas second vid is now representative of my average day to day state
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Still, there are times when something snaps and I turn into some sort of extreme ENFP/J-type personality with boundless extroverted energy. Then the light goes back off. I don't really understand the nature of this process, and nobody I talk to seems to get it at all.
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it makes sense to me. this was an unusually happy/relaxed day, after a session in a float tank. but I guess it's kind of like... posture? feeling extra good and limber after a massage, or for some other incidental reason, but otherwise the fundamental habits mostly dictate
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Feels like a meditation concept I've wanted to talk about today. Past a certain point, with regular practice, you transition from paying attention/attentional control into effortless attentiveness. You can taste it sometimes long before, but then it isn't stable or chronic.
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