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Visa’s Vexing Vacillations
@visakanv
scrolling through my youtube videos and I can see a huge difference in the muscular tension in my face same hoodie, same macbook camera, similar lighting conditions... holy shit
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Visa’s Vexing Vacillations
@visakanv
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all of this can seem very removed, very abstract but here's what I think I know, from my personal experience I used to be a much needier person than I am now and I believe you can actually *see* this change in my *face* people can feel this difference and treat me differently
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@Triquetrea
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@visakanv
I feel like I find myself going into either or both of these daily more or less as a function of mood & attentiveness. Some weeks or months are more one way or the other, too. Often for the worse. Was this is like a wholesale, general change for you that developed over time?
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Visa’s Vexing Vacillations
@visakanv
Replying to
@Triquetrea
yeah, I would say that I was in a general miserable state around 2014–2018 with some really bad bottoms (the fact that I was making a video suggests to me that was one of the higher points of that time), whereas second vid is now representative of my average day to day state
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Visa’s Vexing Vacillations
@visakanv
Replying to
@visakanv
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@Triquetrea
I still have some rough moments and days, and some bits of sadness and ennui that lingers for weeks, but it's relatively much easier to snap out of, and to enter a sort of genuinely cheerful state. even when i'm sad or upset now I'm not *tense* the way I used to be
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