I guess I have a few main guesses so far. One is that I am doing an unbelievably good job hiding from myself that Iβm not ok and the self-harm craving is the one signal sneaking through trying to remind me I am still crazy. Would be new and impressive, but seems plausible.
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Next guess- Iβm the most ok Iβve ever been, Iβm just steeping like a lil tea bag in the hot water of all the crisis feels. Its heavy for everyone & some of my therapists say I have an energetic tendency to take on any & all available emotional work in a space π that could do it
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My last big guess is that THIS WORLD CONTAINS MULTITUDES OF WHICH WE KNOW NOTHING and I made some accidental sort of demon companion and for whatever reason my demon companion needs some sort of help, preferably a blood sacrifice, but it isnβt v clear w me about why
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I imagine these guesses sound like they are written in increasing order of craziness but they are actually written in increasing order of resonance. That Iβm doing some sort of collective emotional work and/or being stalked by a demon feels closest.
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Maybe this defies reason but frankly, the question defies reason, so why shouldnβt the answer.
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I will reiterate here that I am the happiest I have ever been ever ever ever, and I have lots of tricks for getting around the strongest impulses to hurt myself and I havenβt even had to resort to any of them. I am totally fine. Itβs just a super weird, confusing experience.
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My hopes in writing this all are fourfold-
1. hiding stuff sucks sharing stuff is awesome
2. if you feel weird lately, or if youβve ever self-harmed, maybe youβll find some of this relatable and comforting
3. maybe some of you have insights about self-harm that could help me...
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and finally
4. pls hmu if you know how to deal w demons.
tysm for real.
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is communication still key in relationships with the demonic or is it better to know as little as possible about what might be desired from me by demonic entities?
my naive human impulse is to be like βwhat do you waaaaantβ but maybe thatβs a bad idea
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