Most of my life has been marred by some level of PTSD cognitive/emotional distortion. Primary fuel source: anger.
Sometimes I slip into a much more playful and relaxed personality. Trying to figure out what the primary fuel source is, there.
(No, it's not curiosity.)
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"Playful and relaxed" suggests to me that maybe it's powered not through some concentrated emotional choke point, but rather through a diverse and open set of flows?
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Actually, that's a really fair and obvious-in-hindsight point.
It seems to be powered mostly by high openness, moreso than any specific feeling.
But there is definitely some filter or flow there as well, certain kinds of emotion acting as conductors. So... both/and?
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Makes sense. I like the image of emotions as "conductors".
Interesting that you say "powered" by high openness though. To me an open state is more like a marketplace or fair -- it doesn't do anything by itself, but it's a place where good things might happen.
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What I meant to say is the main vehicle in my personality is very high openness to experience, in a Big Five sense (~99th percentile).
It's mainly a sense of being interested and wanting to explore things. It's hard to pin down using words. It's very kinetic, action-based.
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One of the primary features of that personality is that I'll move things around, fiddle with it, clean, make mess, rearrange, reorganize, restructure.
My space transforms into this giant petri dish.
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