I find myself in a bind. I am at my best when I play, yet I can't force myself to play.
The more I try to force play the further I move away from it.
I may develop elaborate tricks to delude myself into thinking I'm playing, but deep down I see through it and life feels wasted.
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with desirable emotional states, I sometimes find success with "invitation" rather than force
kind of a check to see if the impulse is there and if it wants to emerge without nudging anything out of the way
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I have an alter ego that works exactly on this principle. I can't *get* him to show up, but sometimes, if the signal is lit, he comes around.
Especially if there's a design problem to deal with. He loves those. (I don't.)