Slowly apprehending the name of my newest adversary in life, and that adversary is Terror.
For reasons that are difficult to explain, this makes me very, very happy.
Conversation
The trajectory of my challenges in this area has gone something like:
Current fears
Persistent fears
Foundational (early developmental) fears
Fuck, that's a lot of fear <- you are here
Projected:
(possibly some other shit)
Fundamental, existential fears
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Replying to
fear of death; fear of non-existence; general fear of suffering as opposed to specific; fear of lack of control. Drive it down to the autonomic area, so it operates even without frontal cortex override (this simply takes some biological time.)
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true freedom requires lack of attachment to a bunch of things and a willingness to live without solid "views". As the grosser stuff goes away, one becomes aware of more subtle attachments and fears.
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Replying to
Mh. My detachment towards thoughts and ideas keeps deepening, to the point where my attachment towards patterns of feeling seems just absurd.
But I feel that this loops back to an eventual loosening of the dichotomic view of attachment/detachment.
You want to BE the storm.
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Standing in the eye is to stand apart, fundamentally, from the energy of life.
Standing in the tempest is to be tossed about, rudderless, deprived of freedom, at the mercy of its passions.
Every storm has an eye, and every storm holds great fury.