in a very strange mood
not a bad one
not a joyful one
not an anxious one
I thought maybe I was sad or disassociating but that doesn't seem right
Conversation
components:
-emotionally under-reactive
-sensory input feels less harsh
-anxieties and concerns and "shoulds" are tumbling around like usual but I'm mostly just observing them, not addressing them
-curiosity/finding things interesting still seems possible
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-not having trouble getting things done (or at least no more than usual)
-total absence of a sense of urgency or panic
-feels a bit like phenibut without the "up" aspect (haven't had any)
-moving a little slowly but not really *struggling* to move
-pulse is lower than normal
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this is possibly the most neutral emotional state I've ever been in and it's extremely weird
I'm not bothered by it but I am curious about it
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Yes, textbook equanimity in the Theravadan Buddhist sense of the word, and also pretty much spot-on just as an emotional descriptor.
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I miss equanimity. I don't experience it much with my current practice.
Pretty much just alternate between intense distress & intensifying positive emotion all the way into bliss states.
Things are rarely just fine, alright, cool, no problem...
I don't really have a meditation practice other than years of half-assed mindfulness and a lot of psychedelic use
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You don't need a meditation practice to experience outcomes typical of meditation practice. It's just a structured way to achieve them.
Lots of people also happen to do things on the regular that exercise the same attentional skills, so can get it that way, too.
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