The question of whether your needs, preferences etc. are contingent or essential is no question at all. Everything is contingent.
But what are you going to do about your contingent needs, preferences etc.? This part requires work.
The rest is just rhetoric.
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Try to illuminate all sides of an opaque, faceted gem with one source of light. This is your personality/shadow structure.
What is under the light will determine what seems essential and what seems irreal. But if you move the light around, you'll find it's all there... waiting.
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I used to think of myself as a very calm, pliable person, little tendency towards anger.
But when I look, I find that a deeper current of anger still motivates many of my most significant choices.
This mixes poorly with other parts of my personality, so it tends to stay deep.
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A personality or persona is little more than a very convincing act, a stage performance by some preferred aspects of the person.
Draw the curtains, change the scene, change the costumes, the actors. See which 'you' changes and which remains the same.
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Bonus points: note which 'you' other people can recognize and which one they can't.
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P.S. This is pretty dangerous and best not done without a lot of meditation prep/therapy.
You should be entirely comfortable with your current persona.
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