Yes, stuff is still being felt and processed. We’re mammals.
This spirals out to one of the worst signal crossings/wave interferences that i come across:
•”attachment theory” (Winnicott and many others) - a huge contribution to our body of knowledge & understanding
Conversation
Vs
•”attachment(s)” presented as a fettering problem to overcome in some classic and neo- presentations of Buddhism, spiritual yoga, and other communities
1
I just wish the English language had settled on two different words for those things. As a lay counsellor with training in attachment theory (etc) and someone who also moves in spiritual practice communities, it generates a lot of semantic dissonance in me.
1
1
To wit, the end of the relationship with your wife is going to stir up some attachment level (Winnicott) stuff in your bodymind. Grief & perhaps anger.
Now from your depth of practice, you may be able to look at that with some detachment (2nd meaning).
2
1
Don’t want to veer into giving you advice, just thinking out loud about these wildly different understandings of/approaches to relationality, and how that one word “attachment” ends up overloaded for some of us.
1
Replying to
Sure. I meant the second kind pretty exclusively. The emotion ties seem to have a life of their own.
1
Replying to
Yeah, they do have a life of their own, and I don’t want to say something trite or condescending, but there’s probably a way to honour them.
and figure out the right way to communicate with your wife the messages they might have.
1
Replying to
I'm afraid they're not pretty. Very disappointed in her after what this last conversation brought up.
1
1
The dissonance between the person she could have easily chosen to express, and the one she chose instead, is very jarring.
I just hope this new life gives her the freedom to finally grow up a bit. She is nothing short of wonderful in other aspects of her being; just not in love.
1
1
But I also remember my own troubles with repressed parts of my emotional body.
I have very little respect for the person I was when those things came out, but the outcome was always a healthier, more mature and more responsible Sindre.
1
1
So the personal harm to me is probably much greater than the blame that should be accorded to her for behaving that way.
It just sucks to be the one who has to absorb it, on top of everything else I now have to deal with.
Ok. Got an apology and got to say my piece to her in a more compassionate way.
It's not much, but it's a lot better. Think I can go sleep as soon as the body relaxes a bit again.
1