Trouble sleeping. Ex-wife very insistently coaxed me into feeling my feelings and expressing them. This did not go well for either person.
Conversation
I feel some resentment for being coaxed into letting that happen, but it was nothing if not instructive.
It would have been completely the right decision to allow the body to rest some more. For both our sakes.
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At whatever intensity where stuff is *actually* felt, it is being processed. Not at the same speed or depth, but to some eventually complete extent.
There is nothing wrong with taking grief slowly. Just let it seep through the cracks.
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Replying to
Yes, stuff is still being felt and processed. We’re mammals.
This spirals out to one of the worst signal crossings/wave interferences that i come across:
•”attachment theory” (Winnicott and many others) - a huge contribution to our body of knowledge & understanding
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•”attachment(s)” presented as a fettering problem to overcome in some classic and neo- presentations of Buddhism, spiritual yoga, and other communities
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I just wish the English language had settled on two different words for those things. As a lay counsellor with training in attachment theory (etc) and someone who also moves in spiritual practice communities, it generates a lot of semantic dissonance in me.
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To wit, the end of the relationship with your wife is going to stir up some attachment level (Winnicott) stuff in your bodymind. Grief & perhaps anger.
Now from your depth of practice, you may be able to look at that with some detachment (2nd meaning).
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Yes, anger. There wasn't just a clean coming out.
There were some serious breaches of trust from her side. Once they started, they didn't stop.
Not even at my saying dishonesty was the only thing I wouldn't accept did they actually stop. Infuriating to realize.
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I can understand confusion while coming out. I can empathize with the conflicting push and pull and resulting bad decisions.
I can't be OK with lying to me over and over again, knowingly. It's a bridge too far.
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Empathy for the other’s experience + owning owns boundaries together are a wise combination
Feel free to DM, BTW, I’ll check msgs a bit later
Gotta run
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