Trouble sleeping. Ex-wife very insistently coaxed me into feeling my feelings and expressing them. This did not go well for either person.
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I feel some resentment for being coaxed into letting that happen, but it was nothing if not instructive.
It would have been completely the right decision to allow the body to rest some more. For both our sakes.
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At whatever intensity where stuff is *actually* felt, it is being processed. Not at the same speed or depth, but to some eventually complete extent.
There is nothing wrong with taking grief slowly. Just let it seep through the cracks.
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Finally caught up with a sense of betrayal I'd been holding on to for months, for reasons I'll spare her my mentioning here.
And then for all the new reasons, learned since. I hadn't thought or felt that through at all. There was a lot there. Too much to process yet.
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Problem with putting most awareness outside the body, is it blocks knowing-through-feeling.
Those feelings are still there, just not being actively attended to.
I am sure you can remain fully aware of them without attachment, but for me it's an either/or thing at the moment.
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At least you're working through some of this shit - and you'll bounce back fast, too.
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