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It's a strange kind of relief on top of any sense of loss. None of the things that didn't work, *could* really have worked without her hurting herself. Not my fault. Not hers. It's a *big* relief.
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Don't think I'll be doing any of that right now. Mostly just going to breathe for a while, do some fucked-up shit, that kind of thing.
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Yes and no. Gonna take a while to settle. Comes in waves of release, emotion, identification, detachment... It's going to be bigger than my last practice breakthrough, I think, but the intensity is ramping very slowly. Mostly need to get away for a while.