It's a strange kind of relief on top of any sense of loss.
None of the things that didn't work, *could* really have worked without her hurting herself. Not my fault. Not hers.
It's a *big* relief.
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I kept talking on Twitter about having one last big mess of chatter-induced anxieties percolating around my mind.
It was about this relationship.
Now I really have nothing left. Nothing that I could be bothered to care about at all, unless I want to. It's extremely liberating.
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She is taking this much worse than I am, in a lot of ways.
But then, I'm not the one having to dump a person who loved me and cared about me for years because I can't be with them.
And I'm not deluded enough to feel attracted to lesbians, or resentful of their affections.
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So yeah, it's years of my life going down the drain, *if* you want to see it that way.
But this was something I could never really have. It was always clear that something needed to change, but I thought it was about trauma.
Which it was. Just not the trauma I was expecting.
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It's really something to be in a place where you instinctively frame it that way, even though it sounds as though it's been sprung on you.
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For any bit of you that's not quite so confidently striding forwards with this new-found liberation, I'm sorry, mate and I hope that both of you come out of this happy.
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Heheh, fundamental freedom is quite different from contingent freedom, but I seem to have received quite a bit of both.
And I intend to enjoy both!
Now, how to open up to the world again...?
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I'm assuming that there's still a very strong remaining tie here, but wow, you have options.
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Intending to go all-out libertine for a while, though. All of the fun things dads and husbands are not supposed to do, that kind of thing.
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So, gotta figure out who wants to throw a party!