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It's a strange kind of relief on top of any sense of loss. None of the things that didn't work, *could* really have worked without her hurting herself. Not my fault. Not hers. It's a *big* relief.

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You seem to be taking this extremely well...

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I kept talking on Twitter about having one last big mess of chatter-induced anxieties percolating around my mind. It was about this relationship. Now I really have nothing left. Nothing that I could be bothered to care about at all, unless I want to. It's extremely liberating.

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She is taking this much worse than I am, in a lot of ways. But then, I'm not the one having to dump a person who loved me and cared about me for years because I can't be with them. And I'm not deluded enough to feel attracted to lesbians, or resentful of their affections.

8:33 AM · Sep 9, 2019Twitter Web App

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So yeah, it's years of my life going down the drain, *if* you want to see it that way. But this was something I could never really have. It was always clear that something needed to change, but I thought it was about trauma. Which it was. Just not the trauma I was expecting.

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It's really something to be in a place where you instinctively frame it that way, even though it sounds as though it's been sprung on you.

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