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Older kids go away most of the day and are basically tortured in day prison, come home and hardly know you - and vice-versa. Before that it's just this lump of expectations, needs and demands following you around literally 24/7, waking you at night, and no reprieve in sight.

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Human coexistence only works in larger units. Kid goes to bother grandparents, uncles, siblings. Mutual validation and bonding occurs. Parents get a reprieve. Can live their own lives. Spend time together. Fuck. Sleep, occasionally.

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Ideally, yeah. But then you're rolling the dice w/ them. My wife's parents don't talk to 50% or more of extended family for *very* good reasons surrounding attitudes toward children. A decent chunk of my extended family is for limited exposure to the kids only.

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Like, the ideal of grandparents being easier going and more permissive does not exist for me. My parents are more authoritarian and rigid than me. My wife's family has child-rearing practices that are psychological terrorism. Etc. I guess... no solution is perfect?

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All it takes is one parent with PTSD or some strong antisocial traits (read: violent, not introverted) to fuck several generations up.

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Trauma is unfortunately one of the few things that seem to reliably pass intergenerationally. And our societies are extremely bad at healing it.

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There's no collective dance and song, no collaborative storytelling, pack hunting, shamanic healing rites... just nothing. We have some therapeutic modalities that work. But these are offered to a minority, are costly and time-consuming, have wait lists, are opt-in...