If your practice, like mine, is mainly about liberation, it's great when you discover you're free to choose about what seemed mandatory before.
But you want to find this out in a controlled way, because messing with the internal dynamics of your life can be irreversible.
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Remove a person from your life, they may just be gone forever. Sometimes this is good. The person was predatory and they were exploiting you.
Other times, it was just that something workable was configured wrong and the spokes could be turned differently.
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The energy that comes out when you have a big release of psychic conditioning can be explosive, messy.
Years of bottling things up for some reason or another, all trying to squeeze out through this. moment. now.
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"Oh, finally I've let go of this pent-up sexual trauma and whoops, wasn't supposed to fuck that person."
"I've been holding back my Anger for decades and I'll have you know, this minor inconvenience will. not. stand."
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Good practice looks like letting those conditionings go, but without being completely wrecked by the accompanying release of emotional energy.
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The best way to do that is to cultivate the ability to remain calm even when deeply emotional.
By all means cry, quake or ball your fists. Just remain centered. With it. Present. Not engaging in flights of fancy or anxious behaviours.
Mantras and vipassana help w/this.
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I'm still finding that I occasionally shift without noticing, leading to some kind of mess in my life.
It's difficult working out how to live when your fixed personality is no longer quite so fixed, but you have to get comfortable with that ambiguity.
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Replying to
Great thread, thank you!
My experience aligns with what you said. Thankfully, I have not had an explosive release.
It was more like: "I have finally experienced the emotion that I tried to avoid years (decades) ago".
And now I can face those situations in a more healthy way.
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Yes, that's the best-case outcome for specific conditioning ("it's OK to be sad about this, actually!")
At some point the process itself becomes self-reinforcing and you just keep shedding stuff in perpetuity.
If you do what I do, anyway. Different methods, different outcomes.
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Learning how to deal with things just disappearing on the fly is surprisingly tricky.
Lots of behaviour tied up in specific emotional conditioning. Lots of other things in your life tied up in those behaviours!
Good on you to tackle that conditioning well!
My first big release looked like just getting irrationally angry all the time. For months. Not fun.
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Interesting, now that you mention it, I've had irrational anger and anxiety for a few weeks as a build-up to the actual release.
I think what helped was that I was trying to stack up positive habits on top of the emotional trauma, not realizing the trauma was there.
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