Conversation

I still giggle to myself sometimes thinking about this guy who asked me for my advice and then rejected it immediately

Quote Tweet

Mar 27, 2019

Meanwhile aspiring writerbros in my DMs: I have written two blogposts. Give me writing advice Me: write 100 blogposts Guy: no

Show this thread

Replying to

lmao I just can't fathom why some people do what they do on twitter

Visa’s Vexing Vacillations

@visakanv

Aug 14, 2019

Replying to

@tobyshorin

“I dare you to reply to my questions so I can ignore your answers and change nothing”

Replying to

I guess this is a subset of the behavior known as "baiting"

Visa’s Vexing Vacillations

@visakanv

Aug 14, 2019

Replying to

@tobyshorin

I feel like sometimes it’s earnest but they’re very invested in hearing a specific answer that doesn’t make them uncomfortable

Replying to

and

It's most likely validation-seeking. I get this dark pattern a lot in Poland: Guy (almost always guy) asks my opinion in open-ended question. Excepts a certain answer (left unimplied) that will validate their opinion. Get aggravated if my answer does not meet expectation.

Replying to

and

Polish culture is full of gaslighting and ageism. Women have the same dynamics, but they tend not to solicit male opinions much. Both old communist and old/new fundie-Catholic cultural dynamics built on shaming and excluding divergent behaviour, opinions. Insecurity ensues.

Replying to

and

When the expectation is to be shamed/excluded for holding the "wrong" view, a lot of people develop this very passive-aggressive communication style. Prompt the other person to make moves, so that you can catch them making "errors". Seems common e.g. in the US, too.

Replying to

and

And some people genuinely don't seem to know how to turn this off. Even when they're asking for help, it's in a standoffish, defensive posture. "Sure, you can help me - but don't challenge me in any way or there will be trouble!" i.e. they won't actually accept help.

11:30 AM · Aug 14, 2019Twitter Web App