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I still giggle to myself sometimes thinking about this guy who asked me for my advice and then rejected it immediately

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Mar 27, 2019

Meanwhile aspiring writerbros in my DMs: I have written two blogposts. Give me writing advice Me: write 100 blogposts Guy: no

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lmao I just can't fathom why some people do what they do on twitter

Visa’s Vexing Vacillations

@visakanv

Aug 14, 2019

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@tobyshorin

“I dare you to reply to my questions so I can ignore your answers and change nothing”

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I guess this is a subset of the behavior known as "baiting"

Visa’s Vexing Vacillations

@visakanv

Aug 14, 2019

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@tobyshorin

I feel like sometimes it’s earnest but they’re very invested in hearing a specific answer that doesn’t make them uncomfortable

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and

It's most likely validation-seeking. I get this dark pattern a lot in Poland: Guy (almost always guy) asks my opinion in open-ended question. Excepts a certain answer (left unimplied) that will validate their opinion. Get aggravated if my answer does not meet expectation.

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and

Polish culture is full of gaslighting and ageism. Women have the same dynamics, but they tend not to solicit male opinions much. Both old communist and old/new fundie-Catholic cultural dynamics built on shaming and excluding divergent behaviour, opinions. Insecurity ensues.

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and

When the expectation is to be shamed/excluded for holding the "wrong" view, a lot of people develop this very passive-aggressive communication style. Prompt the other person to make moves, so that you can catch them making "errors". Seems common e.g. in the US, too.

11:26 AM · Aug 14, 2019Twitter Web App

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and

And some people genuinely don't seem to know how to turn this off. Even when they're asking for help, it's in a standoffish, defensive posture. "Sure, you can help me - but don't challenge me in any way or there will be trouble!" i.e. they won't actually accept help.