Flipping constantly between discursive thought, blissfully embodied, present moment awareness and disturbing bouts of weird gnosis.
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Pivoting back to DIY renditions of LHP practices is the best/worst decision I've made in a while.
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On the one hand, there is enough energy in my system now to potentially sustain any number of paranoid delusions.
On the other hand, it's FUN!
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Maybe a more directed energy could do, just following one or a couple paranoid delusions?
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Not really about following, or generating, anything at all. It's just that the energetic load is heavy enough to facilitate almost anything.
Think as in manic delusions.
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The fact that a lot of the stuff that comes through is useful or demonstrably true makes the whole thing dangerously seductive.
But that is the Point of doing it this way. The risk is core to the process.
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I know what you mean, I had something similar going on for a couple months last year, then the energy fell the other way. I couldn't control it well enough and was to delusional. Hope you're experience is different enough to be able to stay balanced in the energy.
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I first did these practices shortly after starting out. Found them very destabilising.
Have about a decade of experience since then. Feels a lot easier to flow with and around now than it did then.
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I see, not to familiar with LHP, what would you say you're doing?
Last year I did some ritualistic and talisman magic, combined with a bunch of syncronisities, but it was very improvised, don't really note what to take from it now, but it was a hell of a ride.
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Dancing on a razor's edge.
The practice brings rapid advances through head-on encounters with fear, phobias, pain... and magic.
For the same reason, it is more dangerous than renunciate paths.
It's what you do when something scares you and you say "guess I'd better face that!"
Taking in aggregate, you approach the practice as a way to transmute "negative" emotions into tools with which to shatter your fetters.
"I had strings, but now I'm free..."
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It sounds like an interesting approach, do you have any resources that could be an introduction, maybe what you molded your DIY renditions from? Confronting my fears would definitely help me on many levels, but don't how much world shattering I can handle, but no harm in reading.
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