I think I might be shying away from meditation while upset because I think the emotions will distract my focus - and they will, but I've done the "find the feeling in the body and sit with that" thing before and... Well not enjoyed it per se, but you get the idea.
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That is not entirely what I am thinking of. Just sitting with a feeling and not doing anything is very Vipassana, renunciate stuff. Not my line.
The problem is freezing, anxiety. The desired outcome is healthy bodily *responses*. The means is acceptance and sometimes action.
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So the idea becomes that if you have something like a fear response, you don't go "oh there's fear! ... oh, more fear ... Huh, fear!"
If anything, that's retraumatizing when the feeling is strong. Dissociation exists for good reason...
Instead...
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... you strengthen yourself *first*, so your prana routine is great for that. Lots of breath control. Good stuff.
*Then*, you don't just feel. You fully experience. What does the body stuff come from? Where does it go? What does it want?
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The strengthening aspect is super important. I ignored it for a while when my practice lapsed, and went completely batshit bananas for a while.
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When your breathing practice is strong enough to just chill out, you enter the body work. You let those sensations just be, but you listen.
Then you evaluate how to respond. It's OK to get really emotional here. You want to *unblock* stuff. Best practiced in temporary seclusion!
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If it bleeds into everyday stuff, that's fine. But the correct work then is to focus on the breathing work.
With time, you'll feel ready to feel stuff out in real time. That takes a bit of courage, but it's sooo rewarding!
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This is all cutting work, and a bit risky to just about anyone if not done in conjunction w/therapy.
Basically everyone has some level of embodied trauma. This cuts into that.
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I am so radically disinhibited compared with how I used to be that I am constantly shocked at what I can do compared w/before.
But it has also pulled me away many parts of my life, toxic-ish friends & family, and sensitized me in very strange ways.
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E.g. I used to only cry or get angry under servere duress. Now both are common occurrences, but they tend to be much more immediate.
Crying releases sadness, anger releases any number of things produced by having boundaries violated. But they also have real consequences.
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So the kind of practice I am advocating is definitely not 100% safe, and I've seen others with less positive outcomes.
I am also continually surprised by the capabilities of my body, and I am fairly sure I am very lucky in terms of overall emotional resilience. Probably genetic.
That said, AFAICT it is also very close to the newer therapeutic modalities used for trauma, and is also more flexible than those.
It doesn't stop at "how to cope w/really awful past experiences", but goes all the way through to shredding bad conditioning.
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It is - à lot of the most promising "new" stuff involves body connection and breathing and "staying within the window of tolarance" so you can work on shit.
I can stay in the window of tolerance now, which is a new one, but you've definitely hit on my next step here.
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