But only men have difficulty believing this. "But he was so good to me". Women are never truly surprised by this. They've seen&heard it all
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This is a massive, subtle, multi-layered problem. We can all find ways to contribute towards fixing. In my opinion, media can go a long way
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Most men are pretty bad at appreciating women's perspectives, worries, concerns, challenges. Being raised on diet of stories written by men
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I thought Get Out was a great film for helping non-black people appreciate a black man's point of view. What are the equivalents for women?
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(It's interesting how men like Scifi and Fantasy for "exploring other worlds" and yet "the woman's mind is such a mystery" - it's rly not)
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I learned to appreciate and understand women a lot better when I realized they often get shamed or attacked for openly speaking the truth
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A woman might be furtive and imprecise about what she wants because she's been trained + conditioned to be, punished for being assertive etc
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But again of course women are not a monolithic entity. There are 3,500,000,000 of them and they are varied and complex and different
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Anyway, guys: just consider the possibility that everything you've seen and heard your whole life is less than half of the full picture
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Carry the thought "what if my worldview is flawed, optimized for my personal convenience and comfort? What if I'm wrong?"
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A lot of worldviews are also optimised for self-inhibition, due to abuse, trauma, toxic social norms.
But people tend to cling to those views even harder. Wouldn't *exactly* call them self-serving, though...
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The way I currently frame that (tentatively) is: I think people who have been through horrible shit often overcompensate for it - and quite rationally so. It’s in service of a subset of the self, particularly the part that’s frightened. Happy to revise/correct
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Main reason I mention that is that when I see people go deeper into "beliefs are basically utilitarian" territory, it can get ugly.
Not saying you are doing that here, but it feels worthwhile to play devil's advocate to it.
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