A big part of the problem is that how people come to realizations is highly subjective.
My hunch is it has more to do with what you're missing than what you have.
If I tell you what I experienced, it will do you almost no good unless you have similar issues as I did.
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If you do have similar issues, you may fall through a trapdoor after a quick conversation, even just a line, and have one or more understandings.
This is sort of how Zen practice is mythologized, even if it isn't always practiced that way.
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But again, this is all very liable to thinking you're "fixed", and that the things that are bothering you are clear-cut problems that can be fixed in the first place.
Very often, that just isn't the case.
You know things are better when problems disappear, and don't return.
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Another common thing is for more shallow awakenings to have sort of low-level persistent effects that stay with you, but don't tolerate too much strain.
My baseline happiness is *far* above what it used to be, but I'm still easily caught in self-defeating, self-harming patterns.
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I'm getting something out of them, too.
My old style of practice involved most of the sins I described, and I haven't wanted to waste my time with that again.
What is your total experience like (number of years, regularity, time spent/day)? What's best varies a lot pr. person.
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I've been orbiting the practice for around 3 years, but have barely got my feet wet really. The past few months with the Waking Up course represents my most enthusiasm to dig deeper (10 -15 minutes most mornings)
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Okay. Don't do a 10 day retreat.
My prescription would be:
- Practice up to an hour a day, but only as you think you can sustain.
- Do a weekend retreat.
- Check back when things get Weird, which will happen long before you need to worry about realizations, generally speaking.
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But again, 10 teachers will have 10 different opinions, and I don't really consider myself a teacher.
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However, the 10 day event, if you're doing it to *get somewhere*, at your experience level and level of sustained practice, is really not optimal.
You'll want to put that time in when you're a bit more grounded in the work. That will be a good time for that.
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A short retreat with a good teacher and group, some of whom will be quite experienced, can be a good way to get your feet wet. I'd recommend that to anyone.
I *should* have done that, but I started in my aforementioned awkward teens.
One thing I've come to appreciate from the little practise I have done is the notion that my journey through my life can be conceptualised as a long series of transitions between states of consciousness.
The transitions are a sort of navigation
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Mountains of anxiety, or fences of fear, or downhill slopes for what is understood and easy - and so on.
You have to develop a sort of magnitude of character, so that you can - and will - climb these mountains, rather than become stagnant / content.
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