My Twitter persona, for example, would keep changing - and I realized it was a function of anxiety surrounding certain people I'd talk to here.
So I divided them in two: people I'd no longer interact with, and people I'd change my interactions with to something that felt better.
Conversation
Stuff like this happens -all the time- now.
I'll have feelings that are almost unbearably intense, but then when they are simply felt, they decamp and take entire problem areas with them.
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I'm starting to get the sense that I've had a lot of emotional failure modes that I wasn't aware of.
Stuff that would plunge me into anxiety, depression or rage, and leave me stuck there.
Now it feels like my entire emotional body is slowly, painfully rewriting itself.
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So my mood *regulation* is awful. I have very little control over how I feel at any given time, because I've lost some ability or will to filter it.
But the flip side is my baseline mood keeps improving all the time, on the sly. With ups and downs, of course. It's not glamorous.
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Think that's about it. Feel free to ask about anything I've said, if you feel like it.
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Also, thanks for asking. Felt good to get all that off my chest.
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Thanks for sharing that - I'm glad it felt good. Lots of interesting stuff there, that I can relate to. I like your fishing analogy also, makes good sense to me.
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last week I was talking with about a closely related point, about how emotions can be so intense that they're on the edge of pleasure and pain (although sometimes it's just like a physical pain, like fire in my belly)....
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I have a pet theory about why un-repressing emotions can feel like physical pain.
Pain is the body's emergency signal. If the brain is not hearing the body's normal signals, it escalates to pain. It's like the body screaming, desperate to be heard.
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I think the intense sensation is also a product of an awake person having less compulsion to get distracted or mobilize a sequence of dissociative behaviors when emotionally triggered.
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Hm. Personally, I have plenty of compulsion to do that.
It just doesn't make the sensations go away, so it's sort of lost its appeal over time.
I was very habituated for addictive behaviors, though. Might not work that way for everyone.