Look, I'm a Jhana essentialist. I have experienced states that, to me and to more accomplished practitioners, fits with the formal descriptions of the Jhanas.
I'm not saying the stuff doesn't work. I am making a critique of the philosophy and the approach, not the craft.
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perhaps, then I misunderstood, or chose to grind my own axe. I'm just not sure that suffering can't be gotten rid of, effectively, for example, so I'm not sure it's a ridiculous philosophy. (Dukkha, otoh, well, perhaps not. But if you don't care, that's very close.)
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Yeah, I came at that particular problem from my own cyclothymic baseline.
I have periods where suffering is an overwhelming constant and I wish only for its end, and periods where it feels hardly relevant at all.
Over time, that both damages and immunizes you.
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I fully understand why some people come to Buddhism looking for an end to suffering. That was my own start.
At this point, my own attitude has drifted towards something like "who cares about suffering? figuring out how to live is where it's at."
Maybe not better, but different.
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Sure. The most important thing is knowing what you're trying to get. If you aren't trying to end suffering, then...
Me, I'd still like something fairly close to an end to suffering, because without I don't much see any point in living.
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Fair.
So, I want to be more competent at doing what I want to do, and more competent at not harming others.
Contemplative techniques revealed to me some rather unsavoury sides to my character. For the moment, I just want those under control.
Then we can see about suffering.
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And, generally speaking, that is what the main paths say. First fix your morality/character, then head on to the deeper stuff.
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Yeah. It's good advice.
I ignored it, got very good at the insight stuff - and then it basically punted me all the way back to "fix your shit, dude."
I was probably lucky. Some people continue right off the map from there. I've even seen it happen to people I know.
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I got very far, got punted back in a very vicious way, and am now just moving back into the hardcore meditation stuff. The higher states with a fucked up psyche lead to all sorts of nasty shit.
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Yeah. Exactly.
This is also why I stopped seeking out frequent feedback. Right now, I just want to increase my baseline competence, by a lot.
Probably also going to go through some therapy. Have a feeling that my anger issues will only get worse if I don't address them fully.
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One of the dangers-yet-advantages of practice is how clear your flaws can become.
I was terribly, terribly socialized. Instead of learning to cope well with aggressive impulses, it was basically "be very afraid of going there."
But sometimes life makes you go there. Then what?