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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    16. kol 2019.

    For the Delco Proper fans, here is the full TV pilot we shot. Not sure how long it’ll be available so watch and share if you’d like. Fuck this was bitter sweet to watch. So so fun.

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  2. 1. velj

    I want MY President to have old weird bird in public confidence.

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  3. 1. velj

    Was asked who I‘m voting for n had no answer. But every day, a 60 yrold skinny man weighs himself at my gym completely balls nude. Every day. Like he’s cuttin weight for a fight. He stares at the wall with his weird pecker out like he’s waiting for an elevator to open. Id say him

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  4. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    1. velj

    I know most parents hope their kids never pick up smoking but I gotta be honest it would be nice if my daughter would step outside once in a while.

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  5. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    27. sij
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  6. 28. sij

    Me ordering GrubHub after getting pickled the night before.

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  7. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    24. sij

    Here is my special “LIFE BEGINS” Mike Lavin and I made it completely independently. We got to film it at the mecca and my favorite comedians of all time are in it.

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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    19. sij
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  9. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    17. sij

    I’ll be at tonight through Sunday. is with me all weekend. It’ll be fun. Buy tickets.

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  10. 10. sij

    Me explaining to my Niece that Harry‘s just a guy they call Prince. Meghan, an actress that hit the lottery. The Queen, an old lady like MomMom. The Pope? A creepy PopPop. They all came from a regular vagina like her but we parade them around like they fell from a magical galaxy.

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  11. 9. sij

    Mom walks into the principal’s (a Nun) office. I’m in the hallway as 2 alley cats howl in each other’s face. (Mom hated this bitch) Mom has enough and screams, “HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT CUM IS!!” (I did.) I knew it even better after that week suspension. Got the belt too. 💦 3/3

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  12. 9. sij

    I turn around. The class is wide eyed, a couple with their faces in their shirts, shaking with laughter. I’m still unaware of what I said. Teacher sends me to the hallway and calls my Mom to school. Mom shows up in her nursing scrubs with the face of a boxer pre-fight. 2/3

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  13. 9. sij

    In 8th grade (Catholic school) I was sitting on 23 demerits. 25 meant a week suspension/ass whoopin. Our teacher was handing out test results and I got a 78. I yelled, “Oh come on!” Teacher replied, “Oh come on yourself!” I mocked her and said, “I don’t wanna come on myself!” 1/3

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  14. 8. sij

    Your boy hit, “tolerated” like an old VHS tape on its last play.

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  15. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    7. sij
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  16. proslijedio/la je Tweet
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  17. 4. sij

    And...let’s kick it over to our host, Currently on Cocaine interviewing actress, I was on Cocaine Last Night.

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  18. 3. sij

    Political friend counting on fingers: “Abuse of power, obstruction of justice, bypassed congress to start the war... Me: If I‘m drunk in the woods and no one is around to see it, did I really shit my pants?

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  19. 3. sij

    This house answers the question, “What if I gave a Greek or Italian Grandma acid and an unlimited gift card to Spencer’s Gifts?”

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  20. 3. sij

    Dr. Phil: “It's better to be healthy alone than sick with someone else.“ *walks up his staircase dragging his fingers along his safari horned snake railing.

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  21. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    31. pro 2019.

    Vin Deisel out here looking like he’s in a group conversation but he’s too drunk to participate.

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