Tiffany Bond  🦞 🇺🇸Verified account

7 and 9 have been making me a "surprise dinner" for over an hour. I'm not sure what they are doing, but I suddenly smell bacon.

They both just came out and asked me to tie their aprons on. 7 offered me a "greasy bacon hug". I politely declined the hug out of bacon.

9 just came out and told me the bacon was to rescue the spinach he made. We do not have spinach. 9 seemed unfazed by the spinach fact. Also, dog is traumatized by the bacon smell.

9 just told me "I'm cooking bacon so it tastes like chicken". I do not know what this means.

Update: they ate my bacon ...and my salad I'm eating goldfish.

"Don't worry mom, we'll clean up" Actually means "we took all the ingredients out of the fridge for what we planned to make, what we actually made, and 25% of what was in the fridge unrelated to what we made...and left them all out overnight. PS, all the pans are out too" Huh.

I made applesauce. It has too much cinnamon. The only reasonable solution is to make more applesauce tomorrow and average out the cinnamon. Tl;dr: there is never too much applesauce.

We watched a rando kids movie today since it wasn't outside weather. 9: why do they always kill off the parents? Me: because parents wouldn't allow these adventures 9: can't they just tell stories where kids have adventures and parents let them? Me: not since the 80s, kid

I replaced my nearly 2 decade old noise-cancelling headphones. These are better. My husband is not a fan. I was just tapped on the shoulder and told I have to be available for his "constant stupid questions." I directed him to the salsa and put them back on. #pandemicworklife

I just heard a crashing porcelain breaking noise upstairs. Our toilet is broken. We have one bathroom. It seems my day will be changing course.

Halfway to the hardware store we realized the back of my van was filled with cleaning supplies, dog supplies, and returnables. We have unload and are headed out again. Pro-tip, don't do that

Why are there so many kind of toilets, but none are what I need? Why? WHY?

Alas, we still lack a working throne. 7 and 9 took immense joy in (self-directed) peeing in the uninstalled toilet remains now on the side of the house. However, we have now reached "mom must go to the store to buy frozen pizza so I can use a real toilet" status.

We have a working toilet. However, the wrong box in the right bay was grabbed...so my 1 request, a toilet with a lipped lid did not happen.

The boys convinced us to trick or treat. I stepped in an enormous puddle and am doing this in a wet dress.

Children just came into my kitchen screaming. Children just left my kitchen drenched with my kitchen sprayer. Screaming has ceased.

I was just on a zoom. Children were silently working away. I turned off mute to speak. 9 decided to smash the cardboard thing 7 was working on and 7 screamed like he was being slowly disemboweled. Thankfully, everyone seemed more entertained than horrified.

My ceiling has fewer tiles this morning. It seems our toilet install was not as successful as previously thought. How is your day?

Husband just went upstairs with a caulk gun loaded with a fascinating adhesive choice. I'm making tea.

After watching Nailed It, 9 is now determined to make some sort of dessert involving melted chocolate. Inspired by the show, he has decided to use the microwave. I'm not optimistic about the outcome, but I will refrain from the judge reactions from the show.