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TheoNicole's profile
Theo Lorenz
Theo Lorenz
Theo Lorenz
@TheoNicole

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Theo Lorenz

@TheoNicole

Author/illustrator, cat herder, Realtor, big queer nerd. They/them. http://patreon.com/theonicole  http://myrealtortheo.com 

St. Paul, MN
theonicole.com
Joined June 2008

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    Theo Lorenz‏ @TheoNicole 7 Jul 2018

    Do you enjoy being touched by GERMS and VERY SMALL KNIVES? Then you’ll love CAT PAWS! CAT PAWS are an easy, attractive system that delivers germs and knives to your skin any time, even to your face while you sleep! AMAZING! CALL NOW and get butt updates absolutely FREE! WOW!!

    1:34 AM - 7 Jul 2018
    • 5,890 Retweets
    • 19,284 Likes
    • Isabella Irrlicht Natalie is in a Union ✨ c h e l s e a ✨ 🐰Bunny Bobbypins🐰 Fyona (she/her) Rebecca M. Jay Seamus Jones Captain Awkward Sailor Birb et MOI cat Lex❤️🖤
    150 replies 5,890 retweets 19,284 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Theo Lorenz‏ @TheoNicole 7 Jul 2018

        I still don’t have a soundcloud so please look at my cats. They’re very good.pic.twitter.com/Yh7t3Eojqe

        24 replies 89 retweets 1,458 likes
        Show this thread
      3. Theo Lorenz‏ @TheoNicole 7 Jul 2018

        Oh hey I forgot I made a cat-related thing because my whole life is cats apparently: WHY CAT WHY, a coloring book explaining cats! https://www.amazon.com/Why-Cat-coloring-book-explaining/dp/0997573848/ …pic.twitter.com/45iByu5nIW

        11 replies 76 retweets 598 likes
        Show this thread
      4. End of conversation
      1. nwhepcat is whole-ass vaccinated‏ @nwhepcat 7 Jul 2018
        Replying to @TheoNicole

        pic.twitter.com/CorIUpYHxD

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. Rook Stone‏ @Rook_Stone 7 Jul 2018
        Replying to @TheoNicole

        But wait! There's more! CAT PAWS also come with a FREE ALARM to wake you up every morning before the sun is up! Available in face patting and shrieky mews.

        1 reply 4 retweets 78 likes
      3. Purveyor of a twisted web of lies‏ @scottstoothpick 7 Jul 2018
        Replying to @Rook_Stone @CeeEmStone @TheoNicole

        You forgot the claws your toes from over the edge of the bed version!

        0 replies 0 retweets 7 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Christina‏ @comic_mischief 7 Jul 2018
        Replying to @TheoNicole

        i’m not going to steal your joke format, but something about how baby kittens can’t retract their claws so it’s All Knives, All The Time

        2 replies 10 retweets 484 likes
      3. Theo Lorenz‏ @TheoNicole 7 Jul 2018
        Replying to @comic_mischief

        CAT PAWS are now avaialable in convenient TRAVEL SIZE! That’s right, our revolutionary KITTEN PAWS are smaller, cuter, and non-retractable, so it’s ALL KNIVES ALL THE TIME! Satisfaction guaranteed!

        9 replies 220 retweets 1,411 likes
      4. Show replies
      1. Damion Schubert, Zen Designer‏ @ZenOfDesign 7 Jul 2018
        Replying to @TheoNicole

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22O6Nmjt-mw …

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. New conversation
      2. Ser Savvy, Artist of Ferelden‏ @CaptainSavvy 7 Jul 2018
        Replying to @TheoNicole

        As an added bonus, you'll receive one of our DROOL-O-MATIC models! That's right, copious amounts of drool rubbed affectionately on your face when you least expect it! Paired with our patented TINY-KNIFE-MASSAGE you'll have your own spa right at home!

        3 replies 24 retweets 288 likes
      3. Sarah Sammis‏ @pussreboots 7 Jul 2018
        Replying to @CaptainSavvy @TheoNicole

        I have one of the DROOL O MATIC models.pic.twitter.com/EfcX2y1Mg4

        2 replies 0 retweets 56 likes
      4. Show replies

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