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Thelonius_Punk's profile
✞𝕁𝕒𝕡𝕒𝕟 𝕠𝕗 𝔾𝕣𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝔾𝕒𝕓𝕝𝕖𝕤✞
✞𝕁𝕒𝕡𝕒𝕟 𝕠𝕗 𝔾𝕣𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝔾𝕒𝕓𝕝𝕖𝕤✞
✞𝕁𝕒𝕡𝕒𝕟 𝕠𝕗 𝔾𝕣𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝔾𝕒𝕓𝕝𝕖𝕤✞
@Thelonius_Punk

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✞𝕁𝕒𝕡𝕒𝕟 𝕠𝕗 𝔾𝕣𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝔾𝕒𝕓𝕝𝕖𝕤✞

@Thelonius_Punk

Executive producer for the 1991 comedy-horror hit ERNEST SCARED STUPID.

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Joined February 2018

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    1. ✞𝕁𝕒𝕡𝕒𝕟 𝕠𝕗 𝔾𝕣𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝔾𝕒𝕓𝕝𝕖𝕤✞‏ @Thelonius_Punk Oct 23

      Alright apparently you jabronis were too distracted by my mental health to notice I dropped a major nugget of knowledge the other day. IN 1983 SOMEONE STOLE JESUS'S FORESKIN. Now let me tell you the whole story.

      2 replies 1 retweet 5 likes
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    2. ✞𝕁𝕒𝕡𝕒𝕟 𝕠𝕗 𝔾𝕣𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝔾𝕒𝕓𝕝𝕖𝕤✞‏ @Thelonius_Punk Oct 23

      Many of you will know that in Catholicism, the body parts and possessions of various holy figures and saints were preserved as relics. This includes Jesus's foreskin. Someone said to me, "But Jesus was Jewish! He wouldn't have had a foreskin." Well it had to be removed.

      1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
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      ✞𝕁𝕒𝕡𝕒𝕟 𝕠𝕗 𝔾𝕣𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝔾𝕒𝕓𝕝𝕖𝕤✞‏ @Thelonius_Punk Oct 23

      This is called a brit milah, commonly known as a brit or bris. It occurs 8 days after the birth of a jewish boy. Yet for some reason the Feast of the Circumcision (gross) celebrating Jesus's bris is celebrated on January 1st, insofar that it is actually celebrated.

      11:36 PM - 23 Oct 2018
      • 1 Like
      • All Pikachus Are Bastards
      1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
        1. New conversation
        2. ✞𝕁𝕒𝕡𝕒𝕟 𝕠𝕗 𝔾𝕣𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝔾𝕒𝕓𝕝𝕖𝕤✞‏ @Thelonius_Punk Oct 23

          Well let me tell you something. Celebrated it WAS in an Italian village of Calcata, Italy. For it was here that Jesus's foreskin was housed, preserved in a jewel encrusted box. Every January 1st they'd go parading the box around hooting and hollering and having a grand old time.

          1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
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        3. ✞𝕁𝕒𝕡𝕒𝕟 𝕠𝕗 𝔾𝕣𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝔾𝕒𝕓𝕝𝕖𝕤✞‏ @Thelonius_Punk Oct 23

          That is, until 1983 when the box was stolen. What's weird is that there are only two possible reasons it could have been stolen. Some think this was a Vatican conspiracy. They think the Vatican sent people to steal it, because, it's fucking weird people were glorifying and

          1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
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        4. ✞𝕁𝕒𝕡𝕒𝕟 𝕠𝕗 𝔾𝕣𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝔾𝕒𝕓𝕝𝕖𝕤✞‏ @Thelonius_Punk Oct 23

          celebrating the baby Jesus's foreskin. Yet, like all conspiracy theories, it's a conspiracy theory and kind of the weird. The other possibility is that it was not a Vatican conspiracy. But then this means some weird fucking person was like "I am SOOO into the baby Jesus's...

          1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
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        5. ✞𝕁𝕒𝕡𝕒𝕟 𝕠𝕗 𝔾𝕣𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝔾𝕒𝕓𝕝𝕖𝕤✞‏ @Thelonius_Punk Oct 23

          ...foreskin that I can't content myself with seeing it once a year during the feast of the circumcision. I want the baby Jesus's foreskin all to myself." Orrr they thought such a person existed, and they could sell it to said person on the black market. In 1983 cameras existed.

          1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
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        6. ✞𝕁𝕒𝕡𝕒𝕟 𝕠𝕗 𝔾𝕣𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝔾𝕒𝕓𝕝𝕖𝕤✞‏ @Thelonius_Punk Oct 23

          I've seen Jesus's alleged foreskin. It was gross. Don't google image search "holy prepuce." Let's discuss some obvious puzzles in this story. How did Jesus's foreskin last so many years? Well, according to lore, an angel came down from the heavens and told the mohel (that's the

          1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
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        7. ✞𝕁𝕒𝕡𝕒𝕟 𝕠𝕗 𝔾𝕣𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝔾𝕒𝕓𝕝𝕖𝕤✞‏ @Thelonius_Punk Oct 23

          the guy who performs the bris. It's literally Hebrew for circumciser") and told him to preserve the foreskin in an alabaster box filled with oil, and to not sell it. The bro told his son not to sell it. Guess who sold it. Spoiler alert: it was the son. He sold it for 300 pence.

          1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
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        8. ✞𝕁𝕒𝕡𝕒𝕟 𝕠𝕗 𝔾𝕣𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝔾𝕒𝕓𝕝𝕖𝕤✞‏ @Thelonius_Punk Oct 23

          Who did he sell it to? No clue. But let's jump ahead a bit. Jesus is an adult now. He's eating dinner and his friend Mary Magdalene puts her hair in oil and washes his feet with her hair. First of all, wetting your hair with oil and washing people's feet is weird as hell.

          1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
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        9. ✞𝕁𝕒𝕡𝕒𝕟 𝕠𝕗 𝔾𝕣𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝔾𝕒𝕓𝕝𝕖𝕤✞‏ @Thelonius_Punk Oct 23

          But let's reflect on something. Remember how the foreskin was kept in an alabaster box filled with oil? Guess where the oil Mary Magdalene used to wash Jesus's feet came from? Yup. It was THAT alabaster box. While putting oil in your hair and whipping it around like...

          1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
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        10. ✞𝕁𝕒𝕡𝕒𝕟 𝕠𝕗 𝔾𝕣𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝔾𝕒𝕓𝕝𝕖𝕤✞‏ @Thelonius_Punk Oct 23

          ...you're god damn Willow Smith and cleaning people's feet is one thing. Dipping your hair in oil and washing a person's feet while getting the oil from an alabaster box contains the foreskin of the person whose feet you're washing is even weirder. It's fucking strange.

          1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
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        11. ✞𝕁𝕒𝕡𝕒𝕟 𝕠𝕗 𝔾𝕣𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝔾𝕒𝕓𝕝𝕖𝕤✞‏ @Thelonius_Punk Oct 23

          Not a lot is known about the foreskin after that. But Charlemagne gifted it to Pope Leo III in the 500's, arguably the worse birthday present ever (note: I do not know if this was a birthday present or not).

          1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
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        12. ✞𝕁𝕒𝕡𝕒𝕟 𝕠𝕗 𝔾𝕣𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝔾𝕒𝕓𝕝𝕖𝕤✞‏ @Thelonius_Punk Oct 24

          Imagine you are Jesus and yo gurl Mary Magdalene is washing your feet with her hair & you're like "aight cool mad respects" because maybe that was normal in Biblical times. And then you look down & see your foreskin is floating around in the alabaster box she is getting oil from

          1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
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        13. ✞𝕁𝕒𝕡𝕒𝕟 𝕠𝕗 𝔾𝕣𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝔾𝕒𝕓𝕝𝕖𝕤✞‏ @Thelonius_Punk Nov 2

          I do hope they find Jesus’s foreskin someday. Shine on you crazy Catholics.

          0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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        14. End of conversation

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