Then I must be a jerk all the time 
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Or IS IT...?!?!!! Add "ing" aaaand take away "just being a" and "to". There. Better.

All the #GFY 's UNITE!
WOOOT! 
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The future can wait more five minutes before I get up from the bed, pls
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She probably has it coming tbh
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I do my best work last minute
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I'll call Barry Allen to fix the timeline... procrastinating until 70
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I’ll make it up later
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NO MORE ZERO DAYS
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I will try not to be a jerk to myself starting next week
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I spend everyday apologising for being a jerk to myself yesterday.
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I retweeted this, however I do it SOOOO MUCH
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Ouch. That hurts.

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Fuck em
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Preach.
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