The right does evil well.
The left does good poorly.
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God
@TheTweetOfGod
Unverified; unverified. Pronouns: Thee/thou/thine. "The Book of Pslams: 97 Divine Diatribes on Humanity's Total Failure" out 4/12. Buy at tinyurl.com/yckjn828
HeavenJoined October 2010
God’s Tweets
When you go extinct Earth will plead self-defense, and there's not a jury in the universe that would convict her.
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I dislike you.
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Show this thread
Serena Williams won 23 Grand Slam titles.
To put that in perspective, you have won zero Grand Slam titles.
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Today will be sunny with a chance of apocalypse.
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I really am God, this really is My Twitter account, and if you don't believe that you're really going to hell.
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If history has taught you anything, I'd be stunned.
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At least you're biodegradable.
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What doesn't kill you makes Me try harder.
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At the end of the day, it’s 11:59pm.
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Anyone who says 'God is love' is unfamiliar with My work.
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Fuck you.
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Donald J Trump is the most pro-God President in US History.
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I apologize to half of you for half of you.
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The same people who doubt I can appear on Twitter have no trouble believing My son can appear on a piece of French toast.
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I applied to be a god in India but apparently they’re overstaffed.
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The reason I promised never to destroy the world by flood again was because I knew you would.
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Well I don't believe in you either.
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When you die that's it.
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In 20 years these will be the good old days.
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Trump pleaded the Fifth.
It took a massive criminal investigation to finally make him shut the fuck up.
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Behold: the updated Canadian national anthem.
From “The Book of Pslams”, My latest scripture, now on sale (and five-star reviewed) at amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B08WTN and barnesandnoble.com/w/the-book-of-.
Buy one now, you decade-plus-long freeloaders.
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If you ever want to talk, I'm right here ignoring you.
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Never bother asking the question "Can people really be that stupid?"
You already know the answer.
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I'm not saying you're doomed, but you might not want to take out a 30-year mortgage.
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I don't regret the Flood but I regret the ark.
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You are a device for your phone.
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It's over.
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It’s not over until GOD says it’s over.
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I miss the good old days when I was the one who caused the flooding.
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The kind of people who accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior tend to be the kind of people Jesus doesn't want to lord over or save.
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Did I create quantum mechanics?
Yes and no.
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Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish, he'll contribute to the global overdepletion of the ocean.
So give him a salad, maybe.
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Dogs and cats are just about the only good things you've got going for you.
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One of the worst things about stupid people is the way they think YOU'RE stupid.
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I genuinely don't remember making you all this stupid.
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I apologize to some of you for most of you.
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The last man on earth will die swearing climate change is a hoax.
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Apocalyptically hot enough for you?
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