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  1. Pinned Tweet
    29 Jan 2018

    In an ideal scenario the President of the United States and the worst human being in the world would be two different people.

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  2. 8 hours ago

    Retweet this and everything will magically get better.

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  3. 15 hours ago

    On second thought, maybe we should tone down the inflammatory language a bit. "Indict" the motherfucker.

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  4. 17 hours ago

    Seriously though, we kid around a lot here on Twitter, but impeach the motherfucker.

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  5. Jan 3

    I have no interest in you or your life.

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  6. Jan 2

    Despite all their disagreements, human beings are fundamentally stupid.

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  7. Dec 31

    Im little tipsy right now but I just want to thank all of you for following Me on twitter you guys are amazing and all kidding aside happy new year and I look forward to seeing you in March when the apocalypse comes and Jesus is telling Me to shut up cuz Im drunk but fuck you Jes

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  8. 31 Dec 2018

    This year I'm going to be more of the kind of God that you deserve. Yes, that's a threat.

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  9. 30 Dec 2018

    Wishing you all a happy and healthy 2020, because 2019 is going to suck.

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  10. 29 Dec 2018

    I admire the state of Alabama's single-minded determination to be great at college football and bad at everything else in the world.

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  11. 28 Dec 2018

    Retweeting this will be the last thing you'll ever do.

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  12. 28 Dec 2018

    I make this resolution every new year and then don’t follow through but I SWEAR 2019 will be the year I kill you all.

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  13. 27 Dec 2018

    Sex is a beautiful but sacred thing and you shouldn’t have it until you and your partner are absolutely sure you're horny.

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  14. 26 Dec 2018

    Sometimes I watch you in the shower.

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  15. 25 Dec 2018

    SHIT! I FORGOT JUNIOR'S BIRTHDAY!

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  16. 24 Dec 2018

    On this date 2,018 years ago, nothing happened. Also it wasn't this date.

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  17. 24 Dec 2018

    I do not love you. I hate you, Sarah Sanders. I can't stress this enough.

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  18. 21 Dec 2018

    Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing with your life.

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  19. 20 Dec 2018

    I know things look bad now but soon they will look good by comparison.

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  20. 20 Dec 2018

    I won't stop tweeting until I have more followers than the Catholic Church has victims. I'll be here a while, is what I'm saying.

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  21. 19 Dec 2018

    The Catholic Church is, in the most real and literal sense, an organized crime institution.

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