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TheRealHoarse's profile
The Hoarse Whisperer
The Hoarse Whisperer
The Hoarse Whisperer
@TheRealHoarse

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The Hoarse Whisperer

@TheRealHoarse

“A Twitter rando” - Rolling Stone mag. Beer money happily accepted here: https://ko-fi.com/therealhoarse  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therealhoarse/ 

ko-fi.com/therealhoarse
Joined October 2016

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    The Hoarse Whisperer‏ @TheRealHoarse 13 Mar 2020

    Trump delivering an unscripted address. Opens with nonsensical hyperbole delivered with the intonation of your drowsy uncle talking to himself while he pees in your backyard despite the full family picnic occurring feet away. 1/

    12:32 PM - 13 Mar 2020
    • 1,708 Retweets
    • 8,322 Likes
    • @entropy_head Sarah B Betty Tomek JumboBites Cas Beaumont WilsonSZ dominic vine HeartlandLiberal Zach
    388 replies 1,708 retweets 8,322 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. The Hoarse Whisperer‏ @TheRealHoarse 13 Mar 2020

        Babyfingers now mixing an intoxicated butchery of grammar, syntax and vocabulary with what is supposed to be sober news. “I am declaring a national emergency. Those are two very big words.” No, they really aren’t. I mean, in letter count they get you nice points in Scrabble...

        93 replies 493 retweets 3,981 likes
        Show this thread
      3. The Hoarse Whisperer‏ @TheRealHoarse 13 Mar 2020

        Fuckopotamus now doing that thing he does when he has only newly heard of a concept minutes before being tasked with speaking about it. “TELEHEALTH! A fairly new thing...” The guy is an Irish setter of duncehood. Points to his own stupidity.

        86 replies 306 retweets 3,063 likes
        Show this thread
      4. The Hoarse Whisperer‏ @TheRealHoarse 13 Mar 2020

        “No resource will be spared. Nothing whatsoever.” says local man who deployed no resources.

        30 replies 253 retweets 2,634 likes
        Show this thread
      5. The Hoarse Whisperer‏ @TheRealHoarse 13 Mar 2020

        “The FDA approved a new test. We did this within hours of receiving the application.” Fun-fact: the World Health Organization offered us testing kits months ago. Dipshit McGee turned them down because he is a paralyzingly ignorant fuckopotamus.

        50 replies 765 retweets 3,962 likes
        Show this thread
      6. The Hoarse Whisperer‏ @TheRealHoarse 13 Mar 2020

        Trump now giving a shoutout to Google thought it is not clear exactly for what. According to reports, Jared was fishing for coronavirus info online, so maybe that’s it. The Google School of Epidemiology.

        43 replies 232 retweets 2,515 likes
        Show this thread
      7. The Hoarse Whisperer‏ @TheRealHoarse 13 Mar 2020

        Trump wraps up and hands the mic to a woman whose name I didn’t catch. She opens by delivering a profound lie so vast in its falseness, it’s breathtaking. Claims it was Trump who identified testing capabilities were inadequate and demanded an overhaul. I detest these asshats.

        95 replies 578 retweets 3,881 likes
        Show this thread
      8. The Hoarse Whisperer‏ @TheRealHoarse 13 Mar 2020

        Speaker now - utterly inscrutably - invoking throwbacks to the response to the HIV/AIDS epidemic - a crisis precipitated by Ronald Reagan’s homophobia and willful disregard for human life. This is like crediting Christopher Columbus for bringing smallpox awareness to Hispaniola

        28 replies 366 retweets 2,859 likes
        Show this thread
      9. The Hoarse Whisperer‏ @TheRealHoarse 13 Mar 2020

        And now we have Dr. Fauci at the mic. Fauci is a national treasure. A fighter for public health for 50 years. An unflinching truth-teller amongst a cesspool of shitbags and they’re shitbaggery. The next president should give him the Medal of Freedom.

        79 replies 369 retweets 3,356 likes
        Show this thread
      10. The Hoarse Whisperer‏ @TheRealHoarse 13 Mar 2020

        *their

        15 replies 18 retweets 667 likes
        Show this thread
      11. The Hoarse Whisperer‏ @TheRealHoarse 13 Mar 2020

        Fauci keeps it brief and then Trump kicks it to someone from... Walmart. No, I’m serious. Injects an infomercial into the briefing so Walmart Dude can plug the allegedly pending enterprise of Walmart drive-thru testing. Jesus H. Christmas. Disease care is now a retail item.

        88 replies 448 retweets 2,749 likes
        Show this thread
      12. The Hoarse Whisperer‏ @TheRealHoarse 13 Mar 2020

        Up comes a dude from Walgreens and another from Target. This has basically turned into the NASCARization of crisis management. Every sponsor gets a decal on the hood.

        121 replies 717 retweets 4,282 likes
        Show this thread
      13. The Hoarse Whisperer‏ @TheRealHoarse 13 Mar 2020

        Next up Quest Diagnostics and Signify Healthcare. It is entirely possible Trump is going to wrap this up by announcing Kyle Busch will be driving the #18 car in the Coronavirus 500 at Talladega.

        55 replies 261 retweets 2,328 likes
        Show this thread
      14. The Hoarse Whisperer‏ @TheRealHoarse 13 Mar 2020

        Trump picks up the mic, and announces the suspension of student loan........... interest. Gee, that’s... nothing. Trump also waxes all dreamy about issuing orders to buy a lot of oil because it is cheap now. This insipid turd is knowledge-reductive. He makes listeners dumber.

        46 replies 247 retweets 2,225 likes
        Show this thread
      15. The Hoarse Whisperer‏ @TheRealHoarse 13 Mar 2020

        Mike Pence now up. He is so obsequious, so servile, so fawning in his asinine sycophancy that it defies the boundaries of human speech to capture in words. He would live among the passing stool in Trump’s colon if only that were somehow possible.

        113 replies 444 retweets 3,148 likes
        Show this thread
      16. The Hoarse Whisperer‏ @TheRealHoarse 13 Mar 2020

        Given the choice to walk free among man or live out his days as a polyp upon the presidential colon - thought of little, benign in impact, a mere spectator to the elimination of bodily waste - Pence would absolutely sign up. He’d be first in line, camp out and get the wristband.

        25 replies 193 retweets 1,869 likes
        Show this thread
      17. The Hoarse Whisperer‏ @TheRealHoarse 13 Mar 2020

        “Our most effective weapon is to limit the damage.” says a man labored in diction, subdued and sedated in affect, as he reads words he doesn’t understand about a crisis he has unequivocally made worse.

        14 replies 191 retweets 1,754 likes
        Show this thread
      18. The Hoarse Whisperer‏ @TheRealHoarse 13 Mar 2020

        Trump is riffing in his inimitable way: Dizzying the listener with a vomit of circular nothingness punctuated with bold-sounding hyperbole about vague nothingness. He is a blustering emperor with no clothes delivering a Garment District keynote.

        35 replies 251 retweets 1,922 likes
        Show this thread
      19. The Hoarse Whisperer‏ @TheRealHoarse 13 Mar 2020

        I cannot even transcribe, paraphrase or excerpt what he is saying. I deduce more of the underlying meaning while watching Sabado Gigante on Univision despite speaking no Spanish. These are words. They are not language or meaning.

        38 replies 145 retweets 1,615 likes
        Show this thread
      20. The Hoarse Whisperer‏ @TheRealHoarse 13 Mar 2020

        “We will be very, very successful” says President Popinjay - as if there is such a thing as being “very, very successful” in a crisis where the best case is merely that no one dies (and that outcome has already passed).

        16 replies 152 retweets 1,483 likes
        Show this thread
      21. The Hoarse Whisperer‏ @TheRealHoarse 13 Mar 2020

        Asked if he takes responsibility for the debacle of our unpreparedness for testing, Trump responds - and I quote: “No, I don’t take responsibility at all.” That, friends, is the singular synopsis of this very man’s soul. There is no failure so directly his that he will own it.

        52 replies 785 retweets 3,090 likes
        Show this thread
      22. The Hoarse Whisperer‏ @TheRealHoarse 13 Mar 2020

        Trump now taking questions. Having endured the concussive effects of the first portion, I am going to leave this here. This is the Cats movie of press conferences. A garish spectacle vaguely resembling a watchable production but absent coherent plot or staging.

        21 replies 164 retweets 1,680 likes
        Show this thread
      23. The Hoarse Whisperer‏ @TheRealHoarse 13 Mar 2020

        We are unpresidented. This man is a quivering simpleton pantomiming as a field general while the troops know to hide his holster and ignore his orders. In this confederacy, he is the lead dunce. Lord, help us all. //

        165 replies 424 retweets 2,665 likes
        Show this thread
      24. End of conversation

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