The Hoarse Whisperer

My father was not abusive; he was merely unhealthy and incapable of better. He was a depressed man who loved his kids but was ill equipped to raise them. We were collateral damage of an adult’s collateral damage. 16/

My son spending his earliest, most critical years in a similar situation was my worst nightmare. So I reengineered my life around raising him. I made the conscious decision to shelve anything and everything but what he needed. 17/

I made the conscious decision to give him a softer loving energy than a typical father. I potty trained him and taught him to read. I tucked him in and made up fantastic tales of Leo the Lion, the laziest lion on Long Island. And I loved every minute of it. 18/

We started a garden and grew tomatoes and cucumbers and blueberries. We raised an 100-pound pumpkin. We baked together. And when I didn’t have a pie plate the first year, we used a brownie pan and called it Shoebox Pie. 19/

In the split screen, I cut my work and income. I drained savings and then my retirement. I took time off whenever his life became chaotic and he needed more from me. Then I worked my ass off when it calmed again. I pulled all-nighter after all-nighter. I slept little. 20/

Still, cutting your income by as much as 75% some years does not go unpunished. I cut expenses and then cut more. I shelved annual traditions. I went without insurance. I almost lost my house. But I made every practice, every game, every pickup. 21/

I’ve paid for gas with quarters, skipped meals, sold things I own to survive. It has been so oppressively hard there have been times when I have fallen into convulsions thinking about it. Dry heaves. 22/

On the other side of the split screen though, I’ve been blessed with a good son. He’s a kid who boxed up his outgrown toys at Christmas so less fortunate kids could have a Christmas too. He’s a kid who donated half his Halloween candy to troops overseas. 23/