Rabbi Danya RuttenbergVerified account

The idea, it seems, from the many, many dudes who deploy this cliche, is that once a man holds a tiny, vulnerable human being now under his care, a switch magically flips, and he suddenly understands that women are actually three-dimensional people worthy of respect and care.

But there are several problems with this. First, of course, there are many cis men--who are not parents to children of any gender — capable of understanding that women exist for functions beyond their own personal sexual interest and/or anger.

There are legions of men who value women’s intellects, talents, gifts & contributions to the world in ways that have absolutely nothing to do with themselves. The capacity to engage women in the fullness of their humanity is not limited only to fathers of daughters, it turns out.

And second, well, Harvey Weinstein has daughters. Bill Cosby has daughters. Roman Polanski has a daughter. R. Kelly has a daughter. Woody Allen. Mike Tyson. Matt Lauer. Garrison Keillor. Donald Trump. As it turns out, the magical switch doesn’t always flip.

Yoho is a stanch opponent of reproductive rights--aka allowing his daughters to exercise bodily agency--is a big gun rights guy (we can talk about the correlation bw mass shooters and abusing women), supports repealing the ACA, harming immigrant women w/draconian policy, etc.

Are women human beings worthy of autonomy and selfhood? Are we deserving of asylum, of lifesaving care? And if not, why not?

There’s a widespread cultural trope underlying the language of “as the father of daughters,” and the reason the phrase is so easy to reach for as a metaphor also gives away the problems with it.

It’s the dad coming to meet his daughter’s date with a shotgun. It’s the father giving away his daughter at her wedding. It’s in purity balls and chastity pledges. Fathers, here, are protectors. Of their daughters. Of their honor. Of, ultimately, their virginity.

Whether she is the Madonna who never needs an abortion or the whore so many powerful serial abusers appear to be seeking, a woman in this vision is not seen as fully human. She is not regarded as a three-dimensional person with as much choice and volition as a man.

Of course Yoho can't deal with AOC--a woman who is confident, competent, and able to make empowering change happen that threatens his white supremacist patriarchal stranglehold on power. Of course he tried the oldest trick in the book, to take her down with violent words.

Fortunately for all of us, if you try to come for AOC, you wind up regretting that. (Why haven't these dudes learned this yet?? Oh, yeah, again with not believing that women have that kind of power and agency, probably especially WOC. )