Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion May 24

    Man Not Certain What Any Of His Coworkers' Names Are https://trib.al/sDErNBx pic.twitter.com/Sd3bGudi8K

    5:47 AM - 24 May 2018
    • 246 Retweets
    • 1,511 Likes
    • Kate François F.F0xtr0t Tristan Michael Duffy emir Jack Salad Elanor Cooper-Ritter Jeffry Miller Cr1ms0nT1de 🇺🇸 📱 🐘
    29 replies 246 retweets 1,511 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. the.effing.librarian‏ @effinglibrarian May 24
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Hey Chief Lady Big Guy Buddy Superstar Coffee Monster Stranger Boss Takes-the-stairs Lunch Smoothie

        1 reply 0 retweets 5 likes
      3. the.effing.librarian‏ @effinglibrarian May 24
        Replying to @effinglibrarian @TheOnion

        Wow. I got 3 right.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. John Fairley  🇨🇦‏ @jfairley May 24
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I resemble this remark. I really need that "I'm sorry, I've already forgotten your name." T-Shirt. #socialmemory

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. Fruitcellar‏ @Fruitcellar May 24
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Just call all men Bob and all women Susie. Your coworker will think it's just you being fun and quirky while really you're just too lazy to bother learning their names.

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. Middle School Graduate Boyd‏ @BoydPetrie May 24
        Replying to @Fruitcellar @TheOnion

        Susie or Elaine?

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. Soop Munkey‏ @soopmunkey May 24
        Replying to @TheOnion

        “I swear I will have them all correct when I publish my manifesto and begin The Cleansing...”

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. John‏ @JohnLakeshow May 24
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Corporate culture in a nutshell. Good job, Onion. This is actually one of the good ones. Reminds me of this-pic.twitter.com/wUfYyS0QcE

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. buythisvacuum‏ @buythisvacuum May 24
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I work with 14 people and been there for 6 months and still don't know four of them.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Levi Bauer‏ @Levi_D_Bauer May 24
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @Jakethebassist

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Ambrose Williams‏ @tricosane May 24
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Sport! Champ! Chief! Uh... Dude

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Kristina Pflughaupt‏ @KristinaPflu May 24
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @ChristyTiemann

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Steve Roth‏ @SRoth0508 May 24
        Replying to @TheOnion

        FBI discovers he works alone

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. HeisenbergHattie‏ @HBergHattie May 24
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I demand mandatory name tagspic.twitter.com/ruddMe1vQQ

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. surprisingly taller than danny devito‏ @yours0ftblood May 24
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @casesmash 😬

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Timothy Tyralen  ⚙ 👻‏ @tyralen1 May 24
        Replying to @TheOnion

        This isnt satire

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. D@mnit Carl‏ @NoNoICanExplain May 24
        Replying to @TheOnion

        ...way too close to home with this one. Keep out of my head! KEEP OUT!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Nope‏ @strike3forme May 24
        Replying to @TheOnion

        This report is based on actual events from the Oval Office of the #Shithole White House

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Spike Auroboros‏ @SpikeTheLucario May 24
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Except Susan. Everyone knows about fucking Susan... 🙄

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. John‏ @Big_John253 May 24
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I call everyone at my work “buddy”

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info