Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion May 16

    NSA Scrambling To Reestablish Whereabouts Of Man Who Covered Laptop Camera With Tape https://trib.al/AUmAfaq pic.twitter.com/eFKDwexmKH

    11:14 AM - 16 May 2018
    • 1,324 Retweets
    • 5,074 Likes
    • Krinkets alyse Hannah Scott Willeke Fonce Falooda MandMKittyz Alexey stbici Diogenes of Sinope
    30 replies 1,324 retweets 5,074 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Kyle G‏ @TiE23_ May 16
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Jesus Christ it's Jason Bournepic.twitter.com/LbMJjyloXY

        1 reply 3 retweets 54 likes
      3. (((Ian O'Padrick)))‏ @IanOPadrick May 17
        Replying to @TiE23_ @TheOnion

        How long did it take you to make that?

        1 reply 0 retweets 3 likes
      4. Kyle G‏ @TiE23_ May 17
        Replying to @IanOPadrick @TheOnion

        I’m a little rusty at Vegas Movie Studio 14.0 so about 15 minutes. Also I am now realizing that the photo might be meant to be a guy at the NSA and not our Jason Bourne.

        1 reply 0 retweets 5 likes
      5. Kyle G‏ @TiE23_ May 17
        Replying to @TiE23_ @IanOPadrick @TheOnion

        If I was asked to do it again it'd take me about 5 minutes I think.

        2 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
      6. Hassan Haidar‏ @neoanimooo May 17
        Replying to @TiE23_ @IanOPadrick @TheOnion

        Kyle, you have too much time on your hands bud. Try an after-school sport.

        2 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      7. Kyle G‏ @TiE23_ May 17
        Replying to @neoanimooo @IanOPadrick @TheOnion

        After-school? Hah! I graduated six years ago with a bachelor's degree in computer engineering. I’ve been done with school for a while. Before you tell me to get back to work; I am debt-free and am ahead on my retirement fund. I can spend my time as I please. 👌🏻

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      8. Hassan Haidar‏ @neoanimooo May 17
        Replying to @TiE23_ @IanOPadrick @TheOnion

        Kyle, you have too much jerking yourself off time on your hands bud. Maybe try an after-graduate school sport.

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      9. Kyle G‏ @TiE23_ May 18
        Replying to @neoanimooo @IanOPadrick @TheOnion

        Could I make jerking off a sport? Two birds, one stone. And the stone is my penis.

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      10. 1 more reply
      1. New conversation
      2. Rita Williams‏ @Ritarebel64 May 16
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I do the same thing. I don't like the idea of being spied on.

        2 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
      3. Parth Patel‏ @Parth096 May 16
        Replying to @Ritarebel64 @TheOnion

        I assume you cover your phone cameras too, then? Only makes sense right?

        1 reply 0 retweets 11 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Miku The Russian Bot‏ @RussianMiku May 16
        Replying to @TheOnion

        They should hire the hacker known as 4chan they might get somewhere

        1 reply 0 retweets 32 likes
      3. Jake Utley‏ @Utley92 May 16
        Replying to @RussianMiku @TheOnion

        I once gave him all my personal info to solve an issue. Worked well. Would recommend.

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. Rob Z Tobor‏ @Rob_Z_Tobor May 16
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I hope it was Red Tape.

        0 replies 0 retweets 18 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Jack Dole‏ @TheNorseGodTyr May 16
        Replying to @TheOnion

        The screens are two-way.

        0 replies 0 retweets 6 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Quinton Smiley‏ @quinton1969 May 16
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I see this often while working on people's systems. I like to ask them why they don't cover up the mic. Mischief managed.

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. dunno‏ @bakadesusenpai2 May 16
        Replying to @TheOnion

        stop giving our secrets away @TheOnion

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. boingboingbbeep‏ @boingboingbbeep May 16
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Area lunatic, likes to take NSA tracking device, and put it on trains traveling West. Oh that was the ECM, and now my car wont run?

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      3. NightmareOn12th.‏ @NightmareOn12th May 16
        Replying to @boingboingbbeep @TheOnion

        Kia! #karatepunch

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. Bill Mobley‏ @BillMobley97 May 17
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Telescreen cameras must remain unobstructed at all times, patriot.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info