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The Onion
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@TheOnion

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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion May 6

    God Pissed After Learning Cost To Replace Earth’s Core https://trib.al/4gMBcW5 pic.twitter.com/b2unYOMVDo

    6:28 AM - 6 May 2018
    • 283 Retweets
    • 1,833 Likes
    • Hammer Max Emma o l i v i a Filthy-Elliott Haley Newton 김종톰 rachael Doodle Bob
    31 replies 283 retweets 1,833 likes
      1. Eric‏ @eric_boi4 May 6
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheTweetOfGod this true?

        0 replies 1 retweet 2 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. Dave W  🏳️‍🌈‏ @Desirodave May 6
        Replying to @TheOnion

        All u do is turn it off and on again - see I.T was right

        1 reply 0 retweets 4 likes
      3. MQJ‏ @ProfMQJ May 6
        Replying to @Desirodave @TheOnion

        Make sure it’s plugged in first...

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Michael E. Blackberg‏ @MEBlackberg May 6
        Replying to @TheOnion

        IKEA has inexpensive, build-it-yourself cores in several color options.

        1 reply 0 retweets 5 likes
      3. 1 more reply
      1. Leonardo‏ @leodeojuara May 6
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Go for Unix. It has a pretty solid core and it is open source.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. vιc rιcĸrollo‏ @VictorRuccolo May 6
        Replying to @TheOnion

        He's ALWAYS pissed about some nonsense. I've just about had it with His shit... you know, God, you create your own reality with your attitude. prick.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Ex123‏ @ExRte123 May 6
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Here's tomorrow's headline: Nobel Committee Awards Dual Peace Prizes only to Moon Jae-in and Kim Jong-un Miffed Trump Outlaws Swedish Meatballs, Danish Pastries and ABBA, Calls All Scandinavia a ‘No-Go Zone’. “So rigged!” says Trump. #SAD @NobelPrize

        0 replies 1 retweet 0 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. Lil Knucc‏ @RedSynergy2k May 6
        Replying to @TheOnion

        It's probably a quad core that will replace our old one

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. 1 more reply
      1. New conversation
      2. Petey Isom‏ @PeteyIsom May 6
        Replying to @TheOnion

        First we have to cool the core which will help stop the spin. This will slow time enough so that people won't notice when we split the

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      3. Petey Isom‏ @PeteyIsom May 6
        Replying to @PeteyIsom @TheOnion

        Planet. We still need to shield one half from baking in the Sun and the other half from freezing. When a new core arrives and is installed

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      4. Petey Isom‏ @PeteyIsom May 6
        Replying to @PeteyIsom @TheOnion

        We need to inject liquid sun into the core of the core and enclose it with the two halves. As the core reheats we need to spin the earth

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      5. Petey Isom‏ @PeteyIsom May 6
        Replying to @PeteyIsom @TheOnion

        The centrifugal force will squeeze excess molten core through the seam seaming the planet to one as it cools. Then we need to do an

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      6. Petey Isom‏ @PeteyIsom May 6
        Replying to @PeteyIsom @TheOnion

        Alignment to make sure the earth is not wobbly as well as align it to the solar system. Luckily the 1000 years it will take to do this will

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      7. Petey Isom‏ @PeteyIsom May 6
        Replying to @PeteyIsom @TheOnion

        Only seem like a few seconds to the people of earth since thier time has slowed to a crawl. If you want to keep working you can jump to

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      8. Petey Isom‏ @PeteyIsom May 6
        Replying to @PeteyIsom @TheOnion

        Multiverse 7592322z as its a 1000 years later there in about 5 minutes.

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      9. Leonardo‏ @leodeojuara May 6
        Replying to @PeteyIsom @TheOnion

        It seems you gave him the expensive quote. It was well justufied.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      10. End of conversation
      1. nihilistic misanthrope‏ @itsjustafacade May 6
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Should’ve gotten the lifetime warranty! God! Jesus Christ, thanks for nothing!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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