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TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
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@TheOnion

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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Apr 28

    Report: 80% Of Subway Track Repairmen Run Over Each Day https://trib.al/SHm9cVk pic.twitter.com/9YJqAe4XYJ

    7:59 AM - 28 Apr 2018
    • 66 Retweets
    • 564 Likes
    • Coldhands Jonathan Jordan tom cook Christopher Stoney CthulhusBFF Spooky Guy🎃 🎃H̗̳̰E̺̻̠L̜̤̮̝̯̤L̺͕̤͈E̫̞̙̘P̻̺͎͎̪͈̖H̱O̠N͕̫̪E̦̼🎃 Hermann Kachur Jeremy Zorek
    16 replies 66 retweets 564 likes
      1. Intertubes9000‏ @Intertubes9000 Apr 28
        Replying to @TheOnion

        It's sad and unfortunate, but since their natural predators were removed by early colonists, it needs to happen. If their population isn't kept in check, they'll exhaust their food source of Subway steak and cheese subs, and starve.

        0 replies 1 retweet 4 likes
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      1. Keith Trumbla  🇨🇦‏ @Tweakjunkie Apr 28
        Replying to @TheOnion

        "Now hiring"...

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
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      1. mat.thew‏ @ColossalTree Apr 28
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I told em again and again the noise cancelling headphones and horse blinders are a bad idea!

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
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      1. cg84110‏ @cg84110 Apr 28
        Replying to @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/sND6wXxk5a

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. Jay & Violent Mob, Insert Tribal Identity Here‏ @JAndViolentMob Apr 28
        Replying to @TheOnion

        #TrackLivesMatter

        1 reply 0 retweets 4 likes
      3. 1 more reply
      1. Tommy McPines‏ @TMcpines Apr 28
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Account for 95% of new job hires each month in transportation sector of labor report

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Andrew Solender‏ @AndrewSolender Apr 28
        Replying to @TheOnion

        These men are quite durable.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Petey Isom‏ @PeteyIsom May 3
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Figured those shiny vests did something important; transmit worker location to an auto break system for approaching trains. No, I'll take 2.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Jeremy Edwards‏ @J_Roc1971 Apr 28
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Wow, that’s a very dangerous profession. The only people getting run over more worked for @realDonaldTrump .

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Spooky Smule‏ @Fl4re__ Apr 28
        Replying to @TheOnion

        That's cause there's actually only 5 of them lol

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Michael E. Blackberg‏ @MEBlackberg Apr 28
        Replying to @TheOnion

        It’s all Carmen SanDiego’s fault. He’s all over the place. Don’t get me started on that Casey Jones...all high on cocaine, running track men over, sweating profusely and talking too fast.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Arceuthobium‏ @TheOtherSimo Apr 28
        Replying to @TheOnion

        We finally solved the pension shortfall.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Tony D‏ @biff725 Apr 28
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Don't touch that third rail, lol

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Marvens Orilas‏ @Morilas89 Apr 28
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I smell typo

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Albort Einstone‏ @AlbortEinstone Apr 28
        Replying to @TheOnion

        That would explain alot. MTA=💩

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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