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TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
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@TheOnion

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The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Apr 23

    Did You Know?pic.twitter.com/wzzuxK4Hqm

    11:28 AM - 23 Apr 2018
    • 153 Retweets
    • 619 Likes
    • ladywithglasses X-cessive Assassion 🤫 Lateralyst 2.0🎼📝🉐⤴️ Runnin_through_my_mind lizzie b Tobey Maguire is the best spiderman, don't @ me Joe douchebaggins2814
    32 replies 153 retweets 619 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Pete‏ @barrelbucket Apr 23
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Colonel Mustard taught me this.

        1 reply 0 retweets 7 likes
      3. Aubs‏ @aubsgotatweeter Apr 23
        Replying to @barrelbucket @TheOnion

        Sitting at my desk dying #ColonelMustardInTheKitchenWithTheWrench

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Nathan Bresnahan‏ @n_bresnahan Apr 23
        Replying to @DeinhardtTimea @TheOnion

        Your tweet was in the offensive comments subsection.

        2 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
      3. Nathan Bresnahan‏ @n_bresnahan Apr 23
        Replying to @n_bresnahan @DeinhardtTimea @TheOnion

        I think it's the glasses.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. indus3‏ @indvs3 Apr 23
        Replying to @TheOnion

        The solution is very easy. Provide wrenches to teachers, so they can intervene when a mad wrencher turns up in their school...

        0 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
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      1. Dave Lowe‏ @notthatdavelowe Apr 23
        Replying to @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/hFHRzLWyHf

        0 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
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      1. Nathan Bresnahan‏ @n_bresnahan Apr 23
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I need proof. Years of research and at least 20 million tax dollars should suffice.

        0 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
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      1. kcz‏ @kcz100 Apr 23
        Replying to @TheOnion

        #ProtectWrenchownersRights #WrenchesDontKillPeoplePeopleKillPeople

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. Timohthy Jay‏ @TimothyJ44 Apr 23
        Replying to @TheOnion

        This guy knows.pic.twitter.com/pE4VwPv3he

        1 reply 0 retweets 6 likes
      3. 1 more reply
      1. Blindmelon‏ @BlindMelon1967 Apr 23
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Yes. Gotta go. They only give me half an hour on the computer before yard time.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. michael murphy 🇨🇦‏ @balamayor Apr 23
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Also a beer opener.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. Sarx88  🇮🇹 🇪🇺‏ @Sarx88 Apr 23
        Replying to @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/fAAeBdvAQx

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. Aubs‏ @aubsgotatweeter Apr 23
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Umm can we at least get a tutorial on how to use this. Come on @TheOnion don’t leave me hangin.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Nathan Colstock‏ @NColstock Apr 23
        Replying to @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/O647mmMKN8

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Douglas Barclay‏ @DouglasBarclay3 Apr 23
        Replying to @TheOnion

        They also can,yah know... Pinch

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. SEJFBVFG WEIRVWE FJVBCMMWERO‏ @Zafaryabism Apr 23
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Can inflict nipple rashes, even death.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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