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TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
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The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

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Joined March 2008

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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Apr 18

    Cottonelle Adds Blue Strip To Toilet Paper But Keeps What It Does A Secret https://trib.al/jpcEKYL pic.twitter.com/cJesUNfOw9

    12:25 PM - 18 Apr 2018
    • 162 Retweets
    • 925 Likes
    • (((Ian O'Padrick))) Yoni Furby Living matthew Mark SortiYES matt Amélia Nicot PNW PYRO Blake Pruitt
    29 replies 162 retweets 925 likes
      1. Dead Jason Todd‏ @DeadJasonTodd Apr 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        It’s a strip of listerine,to keep your bunghole minty fresh.

        0 replies 0 retweets 15 likes
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      1. Vrykerion‏ @Vrykerion Apr 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        It slowly turns red, like with receipt paper, so you know when to replace it!

        0 replies 0 retweets 9 likes
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      1. Mariana Sun  🔆‏ @MarianaSun Apr 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        That extra dose of freshness along your crack.

        0 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
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      1. Eddie Dean‏ @EddieDean45 Apr 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Probably has something to do with #Facebook monetizing my bathroom habits

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
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      1. ᗄɐʁou‏ @AaronShypulski Apr 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Ring Floss?

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. Brian Lambert  🎃‏ @stink_dumb Apr 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Facebook Shit-Tracking Tech

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. Brian Commeans‏ @briancommeans Apr 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Fuck,first left and right @twix and now this.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. CypresHeadRanch‏ @CypresHeadRanch Apr 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Wasn't the thin blue line a movie too?

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. boingboingbbeep‏ @boingboingbbeep Apr 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Area Little Suckerturd is keeping an eye on you. A brown eye.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. D hayward‏ @dhaybass Apr 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        No passing.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. God Damn it,‏ @GodDamnKevin Apr 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        The stripe is there to align the TP to your butthole and ensure maximum sphincter to tissue contact.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. DJ Nimbus‏ @FreestyleWild Apr 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Looks like my ass is excited for Cottonelle

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Aliens On Dope‏ @aliensondope Apr 19
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Well if it didn't need the blue strip it wouldn't have it. So it must need it.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. I_Suckemallov‏ @I_suckemallov Apr 19
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Middle of the road

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. The Angry Liberal‏ @angryandliberal Apr 19
        Replying to @TheOnion

        It's bound to be more successful than last year's "ultra-duty 200 grit" paper.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. ᴅ  ᴏ  ᴡ  ɴ  10/31‏ @Down10 Apr 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        if the blue turns white, replace the roll

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. MRT17‏ @Taylor_MR17 Apr 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Charmin's data ANALytics program

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. onlytheFUCT‏ @iTWITCH83 Apr 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Centre right or centre left its all shit.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Spatula City‏ @Spatula8 Apr 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I think it's for wiping your butt.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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