Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Apr 11

    Police Pleasantly Surprised To Learn Man They Shot Was Armed https://trib.al/esSXUdS pic.twitter.com/KeD9RAOkXn

    5:53 PM - 11 Apr 2018
    • 1,748 Retweets
    • 7,460 Likes
    • Dick Peppercorn shannon Adam Severs Alison HThomson Brian T. hazel Roy Morgan Steve
    45 replies 1,748 retweets 7,460 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Little Miss Scare-All 🌹‏ @MercurialMiss Apr 11
        Replying to @TheOnion

        That's not even funny.

        4 replies 0 retweets 6 likes
      3. Adamned Reese‏ @AMReese Apr 11
        Replying to @MercurialMiss @TheOnion

        Satire isn't always funny

        2 replies 0 retweets 68 likes
      4. Khalil Ha𝑢𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑑 Bey‏ @kabulykos Apr 11
        Replying to @AMReese @MercurialMiss @TheOnion

        💯

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
      5. End of conversation
      1. Deimos‏ @MusingsOfDeimos Apr 11
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I laughed because it was plausible. Then I felt guilty for doing so, because it was plausible.

        0 replies 1 retweet 11 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Joshua Muller‏ @JoshuaMuller20 Apr 11
        Replying to @rockstarjoeyd @TheOnion

        what

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. A.K.A Pancakes‏ @Navychief929 Apr 11
        Replying to @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/oqFa7Hd3Cn

        0 replies 0 retweets 13 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. Chris Najdek‏ @Chris_Najdek Apr 12
        Replying to @TheOnion @Brother3j

        https://halfguarded.com/unarmed-black-man-tired-implicated-shootings-across-country/ …

        1 reply 1 retweet 2 likes
      3. Chris Najdek‏ @Chris_Najdek Apr 12
        Replying to @Chris_Najdek @Brother3j @TheOnion

        Thank you sir

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Ferol Humphrey‏ @ferolhumphrey Apr 11
        Replying to @TheOnion @JohnJHarwood

        god this is so dark and so awful and so right down the middle of the lane toward the pins.

        1 reply 0 retweets 9 likes
      3. Rick Downer‏ @rkdowner Apr 12
        Replying to @ferolhumphrey @TheOnion @JohnJHarwood

        It's perfect. It doesn't mention race, because it doesn't need to. Perfect.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. Bronco Bama‏ @BronckoBamma Apr 11
        Replying to @TheOnion

        We'd like to issue a correction to this story. Turns out the man wasn't armed; he was one-armed. We regret the error. The police? Not so much.

        0 replies 0 retweets 7 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2.  🌲 🎃‏ @_innawoodz Apr 11
        Replying to @af0706 @TheOnion

        narrator: she didn't know the article was satire

        1 reply 0 retweets 6 likes
      3. Sean Canney‏ @slam761 Apr 11
        Replying to @_innawoodz @af0706 @TheOnion

        even if you know it's satire, it's still pretty fucking depressing though

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1.  🌎 The  🎃 SPOOKY 🚀 Cosmist  🎃  🌌 Insurrection  ✊  🏴‏ @yungneocon Apr 11
        Replying to @TheOnion

        holy shit

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. E.C.H.O.’s Of Damned Souls‏ @EverythingCHO Apr 11
        Replying to @TheOnion

        “Police plesently surprised man they killed wasn’t actually armed.”

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Craig B‏ @craig58 Apr 11
        Replying to @TheOnion

        At least he was armed by the time other people arrived. Close enough.

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Pumpkin Spice Lynx‏ @fleurdelynx Apr 11
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Godamn, onion.

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. MAGA = My Attorney Got Arrested‏ @Phrozensolid06 Apr 12
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I was about to go off! Then, I realized it was @TheOnion. THIS. WAS. NOT. SOMETHING. TO. SATIRIZE. THIS 👏🏾 SHIT 👏🏾 WAS 👏🏾 NOT 👏🏾 FUNNY 👏🏾

        2 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      3. Ca 💲h Bandiclout‏ @caustic_christ Apr 12
        Replying to @Phrozensolid06 @TheOnion

        It’s important as it is funny.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info