Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Apr 10

    Party Host Horrified To Discover Guests Have Been Drying Hands On Bath Towel This Whole Time https://trib.al/IY7lU6K pic.twitter.com/FhIgoPb95e

    2:47 PM - 10 Apr 2018
    • 376 Retweets
    • 2,954 Likes
    • BioCoffean tim ™ Andrew Gilreath Alex Taylor 🎃halloween tim curry🎃 Jake Newby lez Little Spoon Kadera FJ Newman
    34 replies 376 retweets 2,954 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Long Duck Dong‏ @Gotti525 Apr 10
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Who really washes their hands anymore?

        1 reply 0 retweets 6 likes
      3. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯‏ @Jose999990 Apr 10
        Replying to @Gotti525 @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/6gBfsdMGI4

        0 replies 0 retweets 19 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Boo Haunt Spooky  🎃 hockey mask‏ @Jubie1984 Apr 10
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I thought u were supposed to

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      3. Tweet unavailable
      4. Boo Haunt Spooky  🎃 hockey mask‏ @Jubie1984 Apr 10
        Replying to @Kr33k0 @TheOnion

        I swear I didn't know!

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      5. End of conversation
      1. Colonel Knutt‏ @sneedindeed Apr 10
        Replying to @TheOnion

        For the love of God don't ever use the decorative towels!

        0 replies 0 retweets 6 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Pussy Bow Coup‏ @heatherswan Apr 10
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Skeeves me when I grab a wet towel #germaphobe

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. MoreMusicMoreMoney‏ @MoreMusicMoreMo Apr 10
        Replying to @TheOnion

        😂😂😂😂😂pic.twitter.com/syQB83iJQ0

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. parking sleeping‏ @parkingsleeping Apr 10
        Replying to @TheOnion

        how shocking what an absolutely disgusting thing to happen to this poor innocent woman

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Devon‏ @Video_Two Apr 10
        Replying to @TheOnion @MilesExpress999

        oh yeah, if you have a bath towel up and have guests over, expect that shit to be used like a hand towel. What are you 12? Everyone knows this. It's the law

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. MATTHEW MAGUIRE‏ @MATTHEW72081434 Apr 10
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I know what someone is getting for Christmas. One of those public bathroom hot air blowing and dryer's.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Jason Hill‏ @jasonerichill13 Apr 10
        Replying to @TheOnion @Lynn_Henning

        What’s best about the Onion is not following it directly but then seeing what your follows get a chuckle out of! Always makes me laugh.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Pezizales Pizzicato‏ @DouglasEich Apr 10
        Replying to @TheOnion

        You were out of toilet paper, too.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Lee White  🇬🇧 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿‏ @alreetpetaye Apr 14
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Her hot water takes ages to come on though

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Thomas Jared‏ @teejaynumber13 Apr 11
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I thought CNN and the rest of the liberal news would have put you guys out of business by now.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. M J Berzinsky‏ @BerzinskyM Apr 10
        Replying to @TheOnion

        😝

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Ty Love‏ @moriya2k2 Apr 10
        Replying to @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/mvvFEZ53n6

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Truth to Power‏ @TheJewbyrd7777 Apr 10
        Replying to @TheOnion

        If you hang bathtowels in the bathroom and they are only for bathing you suck! I onky shiwer with a towel fresh from the closet never with the one hanging because everyone knows they are for hand drying!!!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info