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TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
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The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

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Joined March 2008

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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Apr 3

    Study: Coffee Drinkers At Far Higher Risk Of Having Mug Crash To Floor In Slow Motion After Hearing Their Father Is Dead https://trib.al/KLU61TE pic.twitter.com/HKyn8nrrk2

    7:52 AM - 3 Apr 2018
    • 371 Retweets
    • 2,488 Likes
    • VictorHemmings Sauerclout aron Saville Katz 🦇halloween queen🦇 Janitoral Dongus Jules Tom Swallow Nicholas Mroz
    28 replies 371 retweets 2,488 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. c 💀ptain‏ @c4ptaintf2 Apr 3
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Fake news! The mug in the picture didn’t break. That’s not how it works!

        1 reply 0 retweets 5 likes
      3. it's broken‏ @crunchnuts Apr 3
        Replying to @c4ptaintf2 @TheOnion

        Well it dropped in slow motion so it didn't hit as hard, duh.

        1 reply 0 retweets 19 likes
      4. c 💀ptain‏ @c4ptaintf2 Apr 3
        Replying to @crunchnuts @TheOnion

        No usually the slow motion ends and there is another shot of it in real time where it breaks.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
      5. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Baroness Humbug von Mackkingen‏ @jaidatruck Apr 3
        Replying to @TheOnion @Deckerbot

        MMMMWHATCHASAAAYYYYEEYAAAYYYY

        1 reply 0 retweets 5 likes
      3.  🍁Be my Ahkenstein!™ 🍂‏ @Ahkmedren Apr 3
        Replying to @jaidatruck @TheOnion @Deckerbot

        >:I

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. Shayne Perry‏ @daynger_fox Apr 3
        Replying to @TheOnion

        HA! Jokes on you, my dad’s already dead! I shall drink my coffee in peace, safe from slow motion gravity tragedies.

        0 replies 0 retweets 8 likes
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      1. smeared ink‏ @smearedink_c Apr 3
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Once you’ve had enough coffee to think at 1000 mph, naturally everything else feels like slow motion.

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2.  🐜 📢‏ @kartwose Apr 3
        Replying to @TheOnion

        "...tea drinkers have a genetic predisposition to react to their fathers’ sudden passing by slowly placing their cup back in the saucer, politely thanking the bearer of the dreadful news, showing them out of the study, and quietly but firmly shutting the door." 😂😂😂

        1 reply 0 retweets 6 likes
      3. 1 more reply
      1. Lindsee‏ @lindseeAnne Apr 3
        Replying to @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/byoAsUwcJg

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. mack‏ @macksaddy Apr 3
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @eggsxbenedict watch out pls

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      3. 1 more reply
      1. Edgar‏ @mcdaddyissues91 Apr 3
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @markabaigar

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. lindsey  👻‏ @LindseyLickteig Apr 3
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @hansenconnor i’m gonna pee my pants

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. New conversation
      2. Tina‏ @tina_latina97 Apr 3
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @MCUliano like when Conor dropped that mug

        2 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
      3. Madi Uliano‏ @MCUliano Apr 3
        Replying to @tina_latina97 @TheOnion

        😭 we still aren't over it

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. G Smitty‏ @Thebigguy360 Apr 3
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Oh no....pic.twitter.com/6iH8Oo8U3c

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. drew-jit-su‏ @hiphopsince76 Apr 3
        Replying to @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/kdC6ckqxI5

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Jess‏ @MirrorMan_jls Apr 3
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I only drop my coffee cup when I fi.....KEYSER SOZE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Dan Jansen‏ @Dan_Jansen_66 Apr 3
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Okay, this is stupid, its not funny, and frankly its insulting. I realize I am reacting because this touches on my special little situation, but if this is how far down to the bottom of the barrel you have to go to try and find humor, you should just close up shop.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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